Don't Let Ed Near Beer
by Military Dog
Summary: Somehow, my two friends and I found our way into the FMA world. Now everything there will be turned upside down with our witty and hilarious antics. Can the Elrics keep up? Find out in 'Don't Let Ed Near Beer'. Aka. TFFWAT Rated teen mainly for language.
1. Chapter 1

"Don't give me that look," Brittany said to her tortoise. Yes, her tortoise. The tortoise, Edward, continued to smirk at his owner. "I said stop it! Stop smirking! Why are you smirking? Do you think they forgot about us? Because they didn't." Brittany searched the horizon for her two friends, Laura and Laurel. All that she could see though, was dust and heat.

"I hate this effing desert. How the hell am I supposed to find them here? They better get back soon," she muttered to no one in particular. Edward nodded. "You know what? We should just go sit somewhere shady and take a break. Those two'll come eventually. Hopefully with water."

A hill of sand nearby cast a small shadow on the sand below it. It slanted upwards and then straight down, like a wall. "There. Shade. We can sit and wait for them there." Brittany walked over to the hill and sat against the flat side. She placed Edward at her side, and the two of them nodded off.

---

"I think we forgot something," Laurel said. She and Laura were riding on camels. Their bags (and Brittany's) were strapped to the large animals. They didn't seem to be going to any specific place, just riding around thinking. Or looking for something that wasn't there. Namely a mirage of an oasis that they had imagined.

"Like what?" Laura asked.

"Something small..."

"Well if it's small it's probably not important. Probably just something dumb."

"Dumb?" Laurel confirmed. Laura nodded. Laurel thought for about 30 seconds, muttering something or other to herself, "Oh hell no... We forgot Brittany!!!!"

"Oops. She's gonna be pretty angry once we find her..."

"I think we should just chill for a bit. Maybe have a drink."

"But we don't have any water left."

"Not water. Something much better." Laurel reached behind herself and grabbed Brittany's bag.

"Oh, I see. Drinks. Gotcha."

---

While all of this was happening, the real Edward, Edward Elric, and his brother Alphonse, were headed to a nearby village. According to their research, there was a swordsman living there who apparently knew a thing or two about the philosopher's stone needed to restore Ed and Al to their former, 100 human selves, so they would no longer have to live with metal limbs, and in Al's case, a metal body.

"Let me see the map again," Edward said to Al.

"I, uh... I'm not sure where I put it brother."

"Where could you have put it? It's not like you have any pockets. Did you put it in you armor?"

"Uh, no! Not at all brother so you don't even have to check!!" Alphonse waved his arms wildly and tried to avoid Ed's suspicious stares.

"Are you hiding something!?" Edward eyed Al quizzically.

"Not at all brother! I wouldn't lie to you!"

Meow.

Edward glared at Alphonse, his golden eyes practically burning a hole through Al's head. "There wouldn't happen to be a cat, in your armor. Would there Al!?"

Knowing that the cat was out of the bag (no pun intended) Al tried to defend the kitten. "But it was so cute!! And it looked so hungry and lonely brother! Please, please, pleeeeease can we keep him!?"

"We don't have any food as it is, Al. If we ever come across any, we can't be giving it to a damn cat!" Ed shouted. "Get rid of it!"

"But where is it supposed to go brother? There's nowhere for a cat in this desert!"

"Well there's nowhere for that cat with us either. Just let it go. It'll find somewhere. Now give me the map." Ed held out his hand, waiting for Al to get rid of the kitten. Al was hugging the kitten and saying goodbye. "Just drop the kitten and give me the map Al!!!"

"Here brother," Al mumbled solemnly.

"Thank you." Ed scanned the map and looked ahead of himself. In the distance was the hazy image of a village. He pointed a gloved finger at the image. "That's it. That's Siddhi."

"We sure have a long way to go. And we don't even have a little furry companion to keep us company," Al said wistfully. What he didn't notice, however, was that the little brown kitten was following him.

Edward ignored him, and was focused on a small dot in the distance. "What do you suppose that is?" A dot was usually nothing important. But it just stood out in all of this nothingness.

"Another kitten maybe? Then it won't matter that the other little kitty's gone." The kitten behind Al meowed as if to say, "But I am here you dimwit! Turn around!!"

Ed spun around immediately. Instead of looking down though, he looked up at Al. "I thought you got rid of that cat."

"I did brother! You must be hearing things." Meow. 

"I sure heard that all right." He looked down. Then up again, then scowled at Al. "Why is that cat following you!?"

"Heh heh... I guess it likes me brother."

"Tell it to go away."

"But it's a cat brother! How would it understand me?"

"He likes you enough to follow you. Maybe he likes you enough to listen when you tell him to scram!"

Ed and Al bickered for a while longer, walking closer to the "dot" the whole time. Al finally was able to lose the kitten. Or so he thought.

---

"We're lost," Laurel declared.

"No we're not. We just, misplaced ourselves. You know, just like our parents would say when we lost something,'" Laura said. Then she giggled maniacally at her own joke.

"We're lost," Laurel repeated – too drunk to realize that Laura had already responded. The two traveled quietly for several minutes.

"Wait, listen," Laura whispered, still chuckling.

"Voices." The two listened to Ed's distant shouting and Al's protesting.

"Come on Laurel! Head for the voices! Giddy up donkey!" Laura's camel grunted and moved slowly. "Such a slow donkey. And what the hell is up with this hump!? I think my donkey has a tumor."

"I'm think you should get that looked at..." Laurel suggested. "Let's go."

---

After Edward had decided that the kitten wasn't following Al, the two walked in silence. Then Al spoke up.

"It's a person, I think," he said as they approached the dot.

"A little girl," added Ed.

"She's not moving."

"She could be sleeping. But we should make sure she's okay." Ed led Al towards the small girl. A red-shelled tortoise was dozing beside her. "At least she's in the shade. It's safer from the sun here."

The sound of voices and foot steps woke the tortoise. It saw the familiar strangers and softly bit Brittany's finger to wake her up. The girl spoke sleepily, "Why did you wake me up Edward? I was having the most wonderful dream. I dreamt I met Edward. The real one." Noticing the shadow being cast over her, the girl looked up. 

Standing over her were the 7 ft. tall Alphonse and the much shorter Edward. Brittany pinched herself to see if she was still dreaming, like they did on TV. Nothing happened.

"Are you all right? You didn't get sick from the sun, did you?" Ed asked. He held out his right arm to help Brittany stand up. She grabbed his hand and he hoisted her to her feet. Brittany continued to hold his hand. She gave it a small squeeze.

"Metal," she whispered. "It really is you isn't it?"

He smiled. "If by you, you mean Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, then you're right," Ed said proudly.

Brittany giggled. "Yes, I know who you are. You too Al."

"How do you know us?" Al asked.

"Where I come from, you two are very famous. But how rude of me not to introduce myself. I'm Brittany. And this," she said as she scooped up the tortoise, "is Edward." Al giggled.

"Is there a reason that this turtle has the same name as me?"

"Well, my friends and I thought it would be lucky. They thought it might help us find you guys faster."

"Hold on. Why do you want to find us, and who are these friends of yours, and do I have anything in common with this turtle?"

"Tortoise."

Ed looked at Brittany impatiently.

"Weeeeellllll, my friend's are Laurel and Laura which can get kind of confusing. Anyway, Laura says she has some important information that might help you two to find the philosopher's stone. I don't know it because she says I should've done my research or something like that and then I would know. But I don't. And my tortoise hates milk and cats annoy him. And I taught him a trick!"

Brittany set Edward down on the sand. She whispered something to him, then said, "Roy Mustang." The tortoise made a clapping motion with his flippers, then wielded his right one as though it were a sword, as an imitation of Edward. "See?"

Al clapped. Ed looked at the tortoise weirdly, smiling. Then he asked, "Where are these friends of yours?"

"I honestly don't know. They claimed they saw an oasis in the distance but I think they've just gone crazy. I didn't see the oasis but they left anyway to get water. I haven't seen those two for a while now."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"We only have two camels, and it was my turn to walk. It's not hard to keep up with them because camels are so slow. But when they saw the oasis they kicked their camels and made them run too fast for me to catch up. I figured I'd just wait until they realized their mistake and come back. There's no use wasting my energy running towards something that isn't there," she explained.

"Do you think they'll be back soon?" Al asked. "I would love to meet this Laura person; the one with the useful information."

"I don't know when they'll be back. I don't even know what time of day it is or how long I've been napping."

"Well it's past midday now. And it gets very dark and cold quickly in the desert," Edward said. Then to Al he said, "We should find Siddhi soon."

"Siddhi?" Brittany asked. Ed and Al nodded. "We live there! Well, kind of live there. My friends and I know an inn-keeper named Enrique, and he lets us keep a room in his inn in exchange for work. We tend to the bar, serve tables, and entertain the guests. I could show you guys the way there."

"Thank you very much. The map we have is pretty confusing." Just then, the little brown kitten snuck up behind Ed and hissed.

"Kitty!" Al exclaimed. Upon seeing Alphonse, the little brown kitten meowed joyfully. Her eyes then darted towards Brittany's tortoise. The tortoise scurried up to the cat and bit its tail. He started to chase the cat, biting and scratching and looking quite annoyed.

"I told you he didn't like cats."

"I think I like this turtle," Ed declared.

"Tortoise."

"Yeah." Edward glanced at the horizon, where two hazy figures were approaching.

Seconds later, Laurel and Laura came riding up to the others, shouting, "Brittany! We're back!"

"And there was no oasis!"

"So we don't still don't have any water!!!"

"Yeah. I think the oasis ran away right before we got there!!!" Laurel started to giggle drunkly.

"Holy shit!"

"Ha ha you said shat..."

"But look!! It's a giant tin can!"

The two, drunk girls were now sitting on their camels in front of Edward and Alphonse. Brittany looked up at them knowingly. "You drank my whiskey, didn't you?"

"Whu... what whiskey!?" Laura giggled.

"The whiskey in the bottle in my bag which I told you goons not to touch. Now stop making asses of yourselves. We have company."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight..." Laura hiccupped. "The can man and, and the midget!!"

Laurel began to sing, "Can, can you do the can man? Can you do the can man? Can you do the blah da da dad um da bleh!!!!?" She fell off her camel laughing.

Al looked at Laurel wondering what she found so funny in the phrase "do the can man". Edward glared at Laura and looked about ready to punch her lights out for calling him a midget. Brittany grabbed his arms. "Calm down. You wouldn't want to hurt your information source would you?"

"You've got to be kidding me. We're supposed to use information that that drunk gives us!? How are we supposed to trust her!?"

"Because short stuff... I know things!!! I know things about you that you don't even know about you! Like, how one day when you're like, 18, you're gonna outgrow Winry, and you're gonna go to Germany and see Hitler!! And Al's gonna get his body back, but he ain't gonna remember anything, and then you'll both end up in our world, in Germany, and you'll never see Winry again, but you'll be together and 100 human and Al will still be taller than you!" Laura fell off her camel in a fit of laughter. Laurel was still lying in the sand, giggling hysterically and hiccupping.

"That's not true, is it? That won't really happen. She's just kidding, right?" Edward asked.

"Actually, that is true." Brittany looked around uneasily and fidgeted.

"Really!? I won't be taller than Winry till I'm 18!?"

"And don't forget the parts about Germany, brother, whatever that is. And what's a Hitler?" Al asked.

"Oh, nothing important..." mumbled Brittany. "So uh... about Siddhi... Let's just get going now shall we!? Laurel, Laura. I thought you two knew better than to drive drunk. Give us the camels."

"Is... is that midget old enough to drive!? Heh heh heh..."

Brittany grabbed Edward's arms again. "Don't. Punch. Laura. No matter how many times she calls you a midget."

"Just out of curiosity," Al asked, "How old are you guys?"

"13."

"All of you?"

"Yep."

"Even you!?" Ed asked Brittany disbelievingly.

"And what's that supposed to mean!? Are you calling me short?"

"Well you are."

"You're sure one to talk!"

"Oh, so now you're calling me short!?"

"Well you are short!"

"But you're shorter!!!"

"But I'm younger and I'm a girl! So I'm allowed to be shorter than you!"

"Oh please. I know tonnes of girls taller than me."

"So you're saying you are short!"

"No I'm not. I just-"

"You're short! Admit it!"

"Well you're short too!!"

"I told you they'd make a cute couple!!" Laura blurted out. Laurel whooped loudly.

"Shut up you two," Brittany said through clenched teeth.

"What!?" Ed shouted.

"Uh... nothing! Nothing at all. They're just, being, you know, stupid. And drunk. So just, ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about..." Brittany nudged Edward towards a camel, and climbed on top of the other. "You goons are walking. And you don't mind walking, do you Al?"

"Not at all. Just as long as we get to the village before dark."

"Then let's go." Brittany's camel began walking forward. Ed's camel and Al followed. Laurel and Laura were still lying in the sand laughing. "Oh come on!" She reached into her bag, taking note of the completely empty whiskey bottle, and pulled out some rope. She used it to tie Laura and Laurel to the camel's tail, like dogs on a leash. "Come on you guys. We're heading home."


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ed or Al, no matter how much I wish I (or my friends) did.

By the time they got to Siddhi, Laurel was practically asleep and Laura was ranting about some fabulous guy she had met the other day, who really happened to be a cactus. Brittany groaned, "You guys are killing me here…"

"Duun worry, Luv!" Laura managed to reach her arm around Brittany who was perched on top a camel. She tried to wriggle her way out of the under-aged drunk's grip but it was rather pointless, considering she was after all, the…drunk…swordsman. "Wit…twit…it wonnn't be long now. Ssssshiddi's geddin' cl…osse." She giggled hysterically at her slurring. Laura was also attempting a British accent and failing miserably.

Close by, Laurel threw up. Of course it was no dainty affair. Laura snickered and turned to Al jerking her thumb back to Laurel, clenching her stomach on the ground, "Looks like miss snowflake can't hold her li-liq-l…whiskey." She thought for a bit and the burst out in her squeaky ranting voice, "D'ya know thhere's a song called 'Snortin' Whiskey, Drinkin' Cocaine? I was like all, 'What?' buht it-twas rih' there on my-"

"There's Siddhi!" Brittany interrupted, "…thank GOD!"

---

Laura woke up and stretched. 'W-where am I?' she wondered surveying her surroundings.

"R-rin? Is that you?" A familiar voice called from the other side of the room. Laura turned to see Laurel slowly sitting up, holding her head in agony, "Is this what a hang-over feels like?"

Laura stood up quickly, "Nonsense! I don't get hang-overs!" and fell right back down on the cold, hard floor, "…ow."

The door flung open and Brittany rushed in, "What happened…oh, you just woke up." She sat carefully on the edge of Laurel's bed, "You guys got really drunk yesterday. I'd say about a third of a bottle each."

"Argh, shut up!" Laurel covered her ears with her hands, "Why are all you guys yelling?"

Laura slowly stood up and shed her clothing from the previous day. It was hot and sticky and fell to the floor in a heap. It revealed her pale white skin. She looked down, "I really need to go tanning some time…" The tossed Laurel her uniform, which was quite similar to a maid's costume, and a corset, "C'mon, Enrique is going to want us to start helping out."

She herself put on the corset, "Brittany, help me out with this, will you?"

Grudgingly, Brittany slumped over. Then, a brilliant idea crossed her mind. She pulled as tight as she could. Laura gasped for air. This was no doubt for drinking the last of the whiskey. "Um…thank you," She coughed.

Brittany then did the same to Laurel who in turn faked a grin, "You know, if there was one thing I could chose to dislike about this place, it wouldn't be the roaming drunks, or even the disgusting smell," She breathed deeply, "It's these embarrassing costumes."

"You rest for a bit, Laurel," Laura smiled slipping on the rest of her clothes, "I'll go downstairs. Let's go, Brinney," She used Brittany's pet name and flung open the door, "GAHH! TO BRIGHT!"

Enrique looked up knowingly and pressed the button at the bar that said 'hang-over'. Immediately, black curtains fell over the windows and the lights dimmed. Enrique had shimmering green eyes and almost always went topless. He rarely drank and so had an impeccable physique, "No more whiskey for you, Laura. We have guests to serve breakfast," He gestured at the 'Can man and the midget'.

"Holy crap! It's Ed and Al!"

"Huh?" Brittany asked Laura with curiosity, "We met them yesterday."

Enrique piped up, "Not all people remember what they did while they were drunk."

Laura scurried over, "What can I get for you guys? Or…rather, what can I get for you Ed?"

The golden haired boy frowned, "I don't care I just want your information about the philosopher's stone."

"Hmm…well, maybe if you take us to Central…"  
"What?! No way in hell."  
"Ah well, I guess you don't need my information…"  
"Fine."  
"Fine what?"  
"We'll take you to Central."  
"All three of us. Not just me."

Laura grinned, "Well, then it's settled. We leave tomorrow morning. You guys can enjoy yourselves until then."

Then Laurel skipped into the room and set a glass of milk on the table, "There you go…"

"What the hell?!?!"

"Um…oh, sorry…would you like anything else?" She timidly asked.  
"What'd ya mean? I already said I didn't want anything. Didn't you hear? I think I was loud enough."  
"B-but it'll make you big and strong…"  
"I'M NOT SHORT!!!!"

Laura snickered, "Yes you are, pip-squeak."

Ed stood up, "Did you say something? You maybe wanna repeat it?"

"Yeah. You are by far the shortest fifteen year old boy I've ever met."

"You're gonna regret that…" He clasped his hands together. However, before her could transmute anything, Laura was behind him, his two arms in one hand and a gun pressed to his head. Apparently, it had come from her garder but she was so fast no one could really tell.

Laura smiled at him breezily, "Not likely, shorty."

Before he could think properly, Ed wriggled both his arms out of her grip and pressed them on the gun. He effectively turned it into a sword and then noticed his mistake. Laura then twisted her new weapon around to a new position near his neck, "Jeez, that's pretty stupid. I'm the great swordsman, after all." She lifted him off the floor.

Then, Brittany rushed in, "LAURA, put him down!"

She frowned and flung him to the floor. He sprawled for a bit before stopping and stood up, brushing himself off, "Girls shouldn't be that strong."

Laura growled, "Don't make me do that again…ah, but I've always wanted to do that…" She dashed over to the bar counter where the tall, tan, shirtless man was wiping a glass, "Enrique," Laura whined, "Ed wrecked my gun. If I wanted a sword, I would've asked you. We're leaving tomorrow and I don't want to run into trouble 'cause sword fighting's no as much fun as killing someone with a single blow…"

He fondly kissed her on the top of her head, "Okay, you can have mine before you go."

"Thank you, Enrique," She skipped over to Laurel, "I'm so spoiled."

Later that day…

Laura was up in the girl's room, doing her make-up for her show tonight. Laurel was in the kitchen preparing dinner for the customers and Brittany was wiping pretty much the whole hotel down. Enrique approached Ed, "Time to earn your keep," he tossed him a uniform. The male one was kind of like a butler's outfit but included an apron.

"Um…" he pondered, "What the Hell is this?"  
Enrique ignored it and turned to Al, "You'll be working with Laurel as a waitress and Ed will work as a bartender with Brittany. Quite obviously, I don't have a uniform that'll fit you Alphonse. You'll just wear the apron you've got. For now, greet people at the door. We'll start in about half an hour."

Ed grudgingly went to put on his new clothes and Al walked to the door to greet customers. In twenty minutes, the place was packed. Enrique ran upstairs to fetch Laura, "You're on in five," he lightly rapped on the door.

He then went back down and grabbed the microphone on stage, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. For entertaining pleasure tonight we have a particular favourite of the locals. She's hot, she's steamin', she's…Miss Roxie!"

The spotlight turned to Laura who was descending the staircase, "You can like the life you're living. You can live the life you like…" She was wearing a midnight blue dress that had sequins that shone like stars in the light.

Ed handed a beer to a stout man, "Hey, she's not too bad…for a girl."

"Ha," Brittany laughed, "Siddhi is full of performers. It's just that Enrique has a soft spot for her. Plus, she's a total klutz at everything else. Laura's been performing for most of her life though."

"You can even marry Harry, but mess around with Ike…"

Laurel grinned, "Ooh, I love this one." She passed Al a tray of French fries and wings, "This goes to table four. The one closest to the stage…or I suppose it's not really a stage. Laura should be at the 'stage' by now."

"And that's good, isn't it grand? Isn't it great? Isn't it swell? Isn't it fun, isn't it? But nothin' stays. In fifty years, or so, it's gonna change, you know."

Ed un-tied his hair and it flopped to his shoulders. Brittany blushed a considerable amount. He looked at her strangely.

'Oh crap! He noticed. Think of something, fast!' "Um... it's really hot in here, don't you think?" 'Oh, jeez, that's perfect…' "But seriously, tie your hair up. Don't want to get any in the drinks." She shook up something lime green in a metal container.

"But oh it's heaven nowadays." She stopped singing, "And now…I have news for you all. There's a brand new star in town, do you know who it is?"

"Roxie!" was the reply.

"Huh, what was that?"

"ROXIE!" it came again but louder.

She started up again, "The name on everybody's lips is gonna be…Roxie. The lady raking in the chips is gonna be…Roxie."

Laurel laughed as she danced around the kitchen, not noticing Al come in, "I swear, that girl can be so egoistical sometimes." She practiced her figure skating moves. In high heels, it was no easy feat.

Al cautiously tip-toed over as so not to disturb her too much and lightly tapped her on the shoulder, "Miss Laurel…I can take more dishes now…"

Surprised, she fell and Al caught her. He reddened with his uncanny ability to blush in the armour. Laurel herself was slightly embarrassed by being caught half-figure skating in the kitchen.

"I'm gonna be a celebrity …that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose."

"Hmm, haven't heard this one before," Brittany pondered, "But hey, it suits her."

"Does it?" Ed asked.

"Yeah. Back where we're from she had a song called 'if you love me and you know it'" She giggled, "Most people responded though. You gotta hand it to her. She even got Enrique to let us stay here. I don't really want to know how she did it though." Brittany shuddered.

'From just some dumb mechanic's wife I'm gonna be…Roxie. Who say's that murder's not an art? And who in case she doesn't hang, can say she started with a bang? Roxie…Roxie Hart." She stopped seducing the audience, which mainly consisted of men, and started walking…no, parading around the stage. Laura spoke, "Mmm, I'm a star! And the audience loves me! And I love them, and they love me for loving them, and I love them for loving me. And we all love each other. But that's because none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz…kid." She winked.

Just as 'Roxie's' song ended, a crash was heard from the bar area. Brittany, being the brilliant gal that she was, had dropped and entire tray of margarita glasses on the counter, the floor, and mostly, herself.

Ed looked down, which made him feel extremely tall, "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," she mumbled. Obviously she was not and the golden eyes of Ed could see it. She reached down and picked her up, bridal style. He then call into the kitchen, "Al, watch the bar for a minute!" Brittany was pretty much helpless, as all she could do was blush furiously in Ed's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Elrics or any one from FMA, no matter how much I want to.

"Um, you can put me down. Anytime you know," Brittany mumbled as Ed reached the top of the staircase.

"Nonsense. We can't have pretty little girls like you running around with margarita-covered aprons." 

Brittany was blushing. Again. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid! Stop blushing. Nothing to get worked up about. He's just being polite,' she thought angrily.

He carried her to the girls' room, and opened the door. Once they were inside, he let her drop from his arms. "Let me get this for you." Ed reached around her and untied the knot in her apron. "Where do you guys keep the spare aprons?"

"They're in a pile on the bottom shelf in the closet." 'Thank God Laurel's such a neat-freak.' Brittany thought. 'I really wouldn't want Ed digging through the drawers and finding anything he shouldn't have.' "But I can get it myself." She stood up and walked over to the closet, but Ed already had a lacey white apron in his hands.

"Come here." Edward reached around Brittany's petite waist, and tied the apron in place. "Now come on. We have a bunch of washed-up drunks, with nothing better to do than gawk at a 13-year old all evening, to look after." 

When they got back downstairs, Laurel and Al were serving the audience. Laurel had trays of shot glasses balanced on both hands, and she managed to twirl over to the other side of the room and deliver the shots without falling. A large smile was plastered on her face and she was looking quite cheerful. "Heya fellers! You should get back to the bar. Most of these drunks already... uh... what's the word... um... oh yeah, finished their drinks. Some nice gentlermans even let me join in their shot thingy!" With that, Laurel set off again, spinning and balancing her trays.

"She's drunk, isn't she?" Ed asked.

"Yep. And I'm not sure how it's even possible, but she's a lot more graceful when she's drunk."

"No kidding?"

"Yeah. Maybe since she's normally so klutzy, the alcohol has a reverse effect on her." Just as Brittany said that, a loud crash came from the other side of the room. Laurel had, once again, fallen over. And Al had, once again, caught her. The noise was made by one of Laurel's trays, which had crashed to the floor. Luckily, there had only been two empty shot glasses sitting on it.

Still in Al's arms, Laurel began to laugh. Hysterically. "Again again! It made a thunk noise!!" Al scooped her up and brought her upstairs.

"I guess I'll just have to do Miss Laurel's job too. I think she should rest before anyone gets hurt."

Laurel waved at Brittany from up in Al's arms. "I'm feel so tall! It's like, a skyscraper up here!!" More giggling.

"Bye Laurel." Brittany waved back and watched her friend get carried away.

"Is it always like this around here?" Ed asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Is Laura always so cocky and is Laurel always getting drunk? Are you always spilling things?"

"Um, I don't think so. I don't remember Laurel being drunk before. I guess she's just taken a liking to alcohol. I'm usually the least klutzy one. But I suppose Laura's always like this. At least when there's a huge audience."

A shirtless, potbellied man with who was sitting at the bar shouted, "Can I, I get... another drunk? Drink? How bouts you two wrestle me up a margarita!? And don't spill it this time."

"Heh, heh..." Brittany chuckled nervously. "Coming right up sir."

"And... Blondie! Make sure Miss... Lamebrain, no... Miss Butterfingers over there hic don't do nuttin stupid to my drink!"

"Don't talk about her like that."

"Well she deserves it for, spillin' my drunk!

"You know, we don't have to give you anything. So shut your mouth and just wait for your freaking margarita!"

The potbellied man just stared at Ed blankly. "It's fine Ed. Just leave him be. He's already too wasted to make any sense." Brittany handed the man a frosty green margarita. "Here you go sir. And I promise, there's not a thing wrong with it."

"There better not be, or I'll, I... I'll sic my cow on you!"

"There's nothing wrong with it sir and no cows will need to be involved. It's just a drink!"

"But if there it, like, if... if yur tryin' to poison me, my cow will-"

"It's just a fucking drink!!! So chill out, shut the fuck up, down it, and then WALK AWAY if you have such a big problem with me!!!" Brittany glared angrily into the man's intoxicated eyes.

"Well I NEVA heard such lang, lang... lang-waaage from such a tiny little girl!!!" The man slurred.

"You wanna repeat that? What you said about my height!?"

"Yeppers you is gotta be the itty bittiest lil' bartenda eva."

Slap.

"You wanna say it again!?"

"You. Is. Short."

Slap

"Wanna try for a hat trick!?"

"What in hell is a hat trick shorteee!?"

Slap

"You goin' for a record or something!?"

"No missy. But I'll juss leave anyhoo." He downed the rest of his margarita and stumbled out the door.

Brittany walked back behind the counter and started polishing some glasses. "Nice going short-stuff," Ed commented.

"What did you say?"

"I'm kidding. I've just never been able to say that to anyone before. It's kinda fun."

"Well that's why everyone says it to you!" She managed a smile.

Back on stage, Laura was in the middle of another song. "Give 'em the old razzle dazzle. Razzle Dazzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it. And the reaction will be passionate." Several more performers were singing the other parts in the song.

Al was moving as swiftly as he could from table to table, Edward and Brittany continued to mix drinks for the guests, and Laurel was upstairs napping so nobody would get hurt.

"Give 'em the old hocus pocus. Bead and feather 'em. What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? Razzle dazzle 'em. And they'll never catch wise! Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle."

Several minutes later, "Roxie's" song finally ended. Roses had been tossed onto the stage, and one of the other performers was holding out a black top hat that was already heavy with coins. Laura had disappeared, probably to change her outfit.

She popped up behind Edward and Brittany moments later, startling them. "Hey guys! Care to mix up a martini for your favourite star?"

"I'll get it," offered Ed.

"Good job tonight," Brittany commented. "They're sure putting a lot of cash in that hat."

"Well that, ma darling, is because they're all more buzzed than bees, more canned than sardines, more hammered than a nail, more-"

"We get the point," Ed interrupted. He handed Laura her drink.

"So since they're sooooo wasted, they can't tell if that's ten coins or twenty coins they're puttin' in. They could be dumpin' in their whole wallet for all they know. And they won't ever find out until they realize their broke, and then it's too late to get their money back!"

"Laura, Laura, always thinking."

"And that's why you've got to make good drinks. Because the drunker they get, the richer we get!"

"So very true."

---

Later that night, most of the drunks had gone home to be yelled at by their wives. Several had been too intoxicated to move, so Enrique just left them lying in chairs and on tables. "I'll deal with those freeloaders in the morning," he had said.

Laura and Brittany had downed a martini or two (or three or four) each, courtesy of Ed, so they were sleeping like logs in their beds. However, Laurel, who had been napping earlier that evening, was now wide awake. She was lying on her back, thinking about how ugly the ceiling was, with its chipped paint and cracks. The ceiling got to a point that annoyed the crap out of her, so she stumbled out of bed and went outside.

Back in their home town, Laurel had had a plan to become a well-known architect. She loved designing rooms, houses, and yards. Since it was now unlikely that this would ever happen, Laurel had asked Enrique if she could decorate the bare space behind the inn. Now replacing the bare sand were several benches, a small fountain, an assortment of desert plants, and a whole lot of rocks. It was Laurel's own little reading garden. 

But tonight, the garden wasn't empty. Sitting on one of the benches was Al. Laurel quietly walked up to him. "Hey Al!"

"Ah!" He jumped. "Oh Miss Laurel, you scared me..."

"Sorry. And you don't have to call me Miss Laurel. Just Laurel." Al nodded. "I see you've found my little "garden"".

"This is your garden? Because if you want me to leave I can-"

"No! Of course I don't want you to leave! I don't mind you being here. I just call it my garden because I made it."

"You did this?"

"Yep. I planted every plant, and placed every rock. I like to come here and read my books."

"Okay. Do you have many books?"

"Not really. I only brought a few of my favourites from back home. Although I suppose this is home now."

"Oh yes. I've been meaning to ask one of you about where you come from. Because it's kind of obvious you guys aren't from here."

"It is?"

"Well, sorta. You guys talk differently, you look a little different, and that Brittany girl uses a lot of words I've never heard before. Like fu-"

"Uh, just ignore her when she says that stuff. It's just nonsense. Nothing important," Laurel interrupted. She realized she'd been standing this whole time and sat down next to Al. "It's nothing you should listen to anyway. So, about our old home... We kind of have this theory that it's in a completely different world."

"What makes you say that?"

"For one thing, it's nearly 100 years from now. And our world doesn't have things like alchemy, or magic of any sort. Everything is technology."

"Alchemy isn't magic though. It's a science."

"Oh we have science. Everything is science. I suppose our forms of science are just different than yours."

"How so?"

"We have all kinds of machines. You know the cars you have here? We have cars too, but they're faster and safer. We also have huge things that are like cars, but they've got wings, and they can hold tonnes of people, and they can fly."

"Uh..."

"Am I confusing you?"

"Only a little bit. But go on."

So they talked like this for about half an hour. And Laurel continuously confused Al, especially with her description of internet. "So it's like a spider's web?"

"No, no, no. It's not a web. It's in a computer, and it's split into many parts."

"So this has nothing to do with spiders?"

"No."

Because of this, she didn't even try to explain video games, or iPods, or cell phones. And based on an agreement with her two friends, she didn't mention at all how they knew of the Elrics, no matter how many times Al asked. Laura had brought her manga back with her, but Brittany told her never to let Ed or Al or anyone see it. "How would you like to find out that your whole life was just something from someone's imagination? That all of your pain and misery was just entertainment to a bunch of people you don't know? That everything you've ever done was just a show!?"

"Alright. So you live in another world. But how'd you get here?"

"Well, we don't really know. The first time, we went down a river and ended up in Hyrule. But in Hyrule, it was around the 1700s. They had royal families and castles and dragons and magic. We found a way back home, but it was as though we had never existed. We were invisible and no one could see us. There was no evidence that we had ever been there, except for some of our stuff that was packed away. I found some of my favourite books, Brittany found her tortoise and a little toy bunny, and Laura found a sketchbook full of drawings, and an empty one so she could keep drawing.  
"We left our homes and families because no one knew we were there, or that we were ever there. This time, we ended up here. And it looks like we're here to stay."

"And this is your home now?"

"Looks like it."

After another hour of their chattering, Laurel dozed off and Al had to carry her upstairs again. He put her back in her bed and went to the room he and Ed were sharing.

---

"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WE'RE GOING TO CENTRAL AND WE'RE GONNA SEE ROY SO GET THE HELL UP LAUREL AND BRITTANY JUST WAKE UP NOW!!!!!" Laura shouted in her roommates' ears. Laurel sat up immediately and Brittany fell out of her bed.

"Fucking shut up Laura..." she mumbled.

"But, but... ROY!! We're gonna see Roy!!! Colonel Roy Mustang!!!! Soon to be Fuhrer Roy Mustang!!! So get dressed and have some breakfast and be quick about it!" Laura was already showered and dressed in a clean blue shirt and a white skirt. Brittany was still lying on the floor, so Laura sauntered over to her and whispered in her ear, "First one downstairs serves Edward breakfast." And with that, she skipped out of the room and down the stairs.

About 10 seconds later Brittany was standing in from of Edward and Al wearing a plain black T-shirt and olive green kapris. She had a plain pair of brown ballet flats on her feet, and her hair was more or less neatly brushed. "Want anything Ed? I promise, no milk."

"I'm fine."

Laura jumped up behind Brittany. "But you'll need plenty of energy to go to Central!!" she said. Well, actually she sang it.

"Yep. Energy. What she said. I mean sang. Do you want some toast? Maybe just some fruit? Coffee? Juice? Anything?"

"Just get me some toast and coffee. Thanks."

"Coming right up Ed!" 

After Brittany had left, Ed asked Al, "So, where were you last night?"

"I was just talking with Miss Laurel in her garden. She told me all about the world she and the others came from."

"So where do they come from?"

"Canada. And 100 years in the future."

"That explains their odd behavior. And I'm just not even going to ask how they got here from there. Wherever that is."

"Miss Laurel also told me some things about her friends. And she told me a secret."

"What secret?"

"Well if I tell you, it won't be a secret anymore!"

"Then what's it about?"

"I can't say. It might give away the secret."

"Just tell me Al. I can keep a secret."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes.

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Tell me Al."

"No. If I told you and then Miss Laurel found out, she might not trust me anymore."

"No one will find out. I won't tell anyone."

"Promise?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"Say it like you mean it."

"Okay. I promise."

"Alright. She said her friend has a crush on you."

"And what does that mean?"

"Well that's what I asked her. And she said it means she likes you."

"Hmm... Which friend?"

"You'll just have to figure it out yourself."

"What? Why? Would it kill you to tell me?"

"No. But it'll be fun watching you try to figure out who it is." Al laughed.

Just then, Brittany bounced over to the table and placed Edward's breakfast in front of him. "There you go Ed. Enjoy it!" Then she disappeared up the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone from FMA, wrap your thick heads around the idea, m'kay?

Yay! It's finally here, for your reading enjoyment!  
---  
Laura was now racing around the hotel, trying to collect last minute things, "Laurel!" She yelled, "Where's my mini skirt?"

Laurel herself was frantically searching through the drawers, "I've got problems of my own. Where the heck is my make up bag, and my brush, AND that shirt I bought on that summer trip to the mall last year?"

In the bar area, calmly sipping on some kind of red drink, sat Brittany, "You guys are funny. I packed yesterday when you two ran off being stupid," Then Laura appeared on the stairwell, "We weren't being stupid…"

FLASHBACK

"C'mon, Laurel. You gotta learn some time!" Laura pushed Laurel into her garden space where two swords and a pile of sand sat. "It's dangerous here, and now that we're going traveling you need to learn to fight with the weapons they have here."

Laurel frowned. She had become an expert ad wielding her hoola hoops that she possessed when they were in Hyrule. The sword, however, she wasn't so great at. Sadly, they had to leave their weapons there. For the time they had been in this new land, Laura began studying all of the weaponry and also, a little bit of alchemy.

She drew a transmutation circle by the pile of sand and transmuted it into a human like figure. Enrique had found a book left by a traveling alchemist. He let Laura read it. Laura then put a dot in the middle of its chest, "That's where the heart is. Stabbing it is a one way ticket to victory, unless of course, your opponent is not exactly human. By the way, that's entirely possible here."

Then Laurel picked up her sword…

END FLASHBACK

"Sure, sure. It must have had great purpose," Brittany waved her hand sarcastically.

Laura clenched her teeth, "Don't make me test drive my new gun."

Enrique's gun was actually pretty nice. It was silver and fairly small; a good size if you needed to sneak it in somewhere. The previous owner of the hand-gun showed up out of nowhere, "Um," he said, dangling a piece of lingerie, "Whose is this?"

Brittany snatched it, turning a bright shade of pink for Edward was sitting close by. She then thought of the drunks, "I don't want to know where you found this…"

Soon, everyone was packed and ready to go. Enrique waved a fond farewell. All of them had various weapons hidden just about everywhere, including swords, daggers and guns, and matching gray shoulder bags containing their few belongings.

After a few minutes walk, they all arrived at the train station. When it came, they flashed their tickets and climbed aboard. Edward sat between Brittany, who got the window seat, and Laura, who got the aisle. Al and Laurel sat across from them.

Laura pulled a container of something out of her bag and took a sip from it. She explained that it was a juice Laurel had made her that morning for extra energy. For the moment, no body thought much of it. Until…

30 minutes later

"We're going to Central, we're gonna see Roy. We're going to Central, we're gonna se…"

Brittany banged her head against the window, again, obviously annoyed, "How did this happen again? I mean, she gets like this but it hasn't been this bad for a year or so."

Everyone looked at Laurel who in turn looked at the roof and started whistling 'You Can Help', an old song from their school choir.

"What exactly did you put in that container?" Ed asked.

"Um…"  
"C'mon, out with it!" Brittany stood up.

"…Central, we're gonna see Roy. We're…"

"Well, I found an old can of Red Bull…"  
"How old? Do you even know what's in that?"  
"Actually, so old I couldn't read the ingredients and tell what was in it. So, I thought maybe there was less sugar in it so I added some."  
Brittany slapped her hand to her forehead, "Laurel, have you perhaps LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?"

"…Gonna see Roy. We're going to C-"

"Shut up!" Everyone said at the same time.

All was silent until Al spoke up, "Say, Miss Laura. Why are you so excited about meeting the Colonel?"

"Well," She pondered. She could still think straight because she wasn't drunk this time, "It's kind of been a dream of mine to meet everyone from FMA."

"FMA? What's FMA?"

'Oh crap, think fast!' "The um…Fun Meat Association." She grinned, "Yeah, that's it."

For the rest of the train ride, all was pretty much normal. By the time they got to Central, Laura had crashed and was now sleeping peacefully. She didn't even notice the lurching stop. Laurel brushed the hair out of her face and whispered close to her ear, "Wa-wa, we're here, wake up."

There was no response except for squeezing her eyes tighter. Brittany got up, "No, that's not how you do it…" she cupped her hands by her mouth and shouted, "HOLY CRAP! THERE'S ROY!" Laura instantly shot up, "Where? Where?"

Brittany laughed, "Man, you should've seen the look on your face, absolutely priceless!" She then took off because she knew what would happen next.

Laura stormed after her, "I was having a nap! I'm gonna kill you when I get to you."

I suppose it was a pretty fair match. Brittany was the fastest runner but Laura had weapons mastered that Brittany hadn't even heard of before. Laura also had a bit of alchemy but she only knew the circles that would work for sand. She stopped and looked around. There was no sand to be seen.

"Ah!" She smiled, "This place reminds me of home…"

Finally Ed, Al and Laurel caught up. Laurel also commented, "Your right. This is the most city I've seen for like, a year!"

"Makes me want to go shopping. Hey Ed, can we go shopping here?"  
"Or maybe go to a park?"  
"How about eating at a restaurant other that Enrique's"  
"A car ride would be fun."

Brittany came back, "Hey what are you guys doing?"

The two completely ignored her, thinking about the fun they could have here in the city. Laurel's face lit up at the possibility of there being an ice skating rink.

Laura smacked Laurel upside her head, which was Laura's trademark move, "Now why on earth would there be one here of all places?"

Brittany huffed. She didn't really like being ignored, but then, who does? "Guys!" She grabbed both of them by the ears and yelled in them, "SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!"

Both Laurel and Laura's eyes teared up. Ed spoke, "Did you forget about us?"

"Aw, no way!" She smirked and then looked around, "Where did Ed go?"

"What are you talking about? I'm right…" And then he realized the Laura was making fun of his height, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT YOU NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO SEE?!?!?!?"

Laura then took of running, calling behind her, "Keep up, girls, we need to talk!"

As usual, Brittany and Laurel could easily catch up with her so she increased the pace a bit and started talking, "So what are our plans here?"

Laurel thought for a bit before saying, "Is there a library here? I haven't done much reading since…the accident."

"Yeah. Quite a big one if my," She coughed, "Research is correct."  
"Right. That's what I'll do for now"  
"What about you?" Laura motioned her head to Brittany.  
"Um…well, what are you gonna do?"  
"I'm going to go see if I can get a job as an entertainer for the military."  
"They're actually looking for one of those?!"

The Elric brothers were gaining on them so Laura led them down what seemed to be a busy marketplace, "Sorry guys, we'll talk in a bit. Ed needs to cool his jets. I'll make sure he follows me. You two get us some lunch and we'll meet up at the train station."

Everyone nodded and split up in three directions.

Meanwhile with Ed and Al, they were desperately trying to keep up with the three girls when they split. "Damn," cursed Ed, "We gotta split up too."

Al followed Laurel but Ed still kept hot on Laura's trail, who called over her shoulder, "Ed! I'm gonna run out of steam soon!"

"I don't care!"  
"Ed, you need anger management classes."  
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"  
'Right, I suppose he wouldn't. Alright then, I'll have to pull something fancy off to make him calm down.'

Laura turned down an alley, and so Ed followed. He looked around. Left, right, he spun around in circles and looked at his feet, 'There's only one place left…'

He looked up but was too slow. Laura landed on top of him and squatted so he couldn't move. "Calm down, Ed. Look, if it'll make you feel any better, I know loads of guys shorter than you." She didn't mention that they were all kids but then again, who really needs Edward Elric to have a grudge against them?

Finally, when Laura thought he was calm enough, she stood up and brushed off her tiny skirt, "C'mon," She extended a hand, "We've gotta get back to the train station. Laurel and Brittany are waiting for us."


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: Ed, why don't you do it this time?

Ed: Why me?

Me: Because, shorty, I'm telling you to.

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT YOU'D NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO SEE ME?!?!?!?!

Al: I'll just do it Nii-san. Military Dog doesn't own me or Nii-san or anyone else but herself.

This chapter was not written my me!!!! So, here we go! (By the way, this is the longest chapter yet! And prolly as long as they will get)  
----  
Laura happily bounced towards her friends while Edward trudged behind her. He had a look on his face that absolutely screamed, 'As soon as I get my hands on her, she's dead meat.'

"We're baaack!" Laura sang. Ed was standing beside her with his arms crossed and with that angry look still on his face.

"Ya have fun?" Laurel asked, giggling. Mostly she was laughing because standing next to Laura, Ed looked pretty damn short. Hysterically short. "Oooooh. Now I see what the big, I mean little deal is about your height! You are pretty short. Have you been drinking your milk?"

"Don't listen to them. You're not that short," Brittany told Ed.

"You're only saying that because I'm taller than you, you little shrimp."

"Well excuuuuuuuuse me for being shorter than you, Edward," she spat. Then to her friends she said, "I guess he's just not used to seeing people shorter than him. He must not know how to act around them." Brittany smirked.

"Oh, so you can tell me not to listen to her, but you can insult me all you want?"

"I can!? Jeez, thanks!" Laurel, Laura and Al laughed. Ed looked about ready to strangle Brittany. Then she whispered, "Shrimp."

"Who are you calling seafood!? I'll KILL YOU for that!!" He began chasing Brittany down an ally. She screamed.

"Not again," Laurel mumbled. "Can we just leave and like, go to the library or something?"

Al offered, "I could take you there if you want, Miss Laurel."

"That would be great, but you really don't need to call me 'Miss' Laurel. Laurel is just fine by me."

"Sorry Laurel. When Brother gets back, Laura, can you tell him where we went?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Get back here you PIPSQUEAK!!!"

"Who are you calling PIPSQUEAK, you FULLMETAL MIDGET!?"

"I'll KILL YOU for that!!!!"

"You would never kill anyone you bluffer!"

"Bluffer?"

"Yeah! You're an ITTY BITTY BLUFFING FULLMETAL MIDGET!!!!"

"I REALLY WILL KILL YOU FOR THAT!!!"

"I'd like to see you try!" Brittany skidded to a halt so suddenly that Edward crashed right into her and knocked her over. "Ow."

Edward, who had landed awkwardly on top of Brittany, immediately got back on his feet. "Sorry." He helped her stand up.

"So what, aren't you going to kill me now?" Brittany asked, brushing the dust and dirt off of her clothes.

"Uh..."

"BLUFFER!!! I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT!!! You wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone kill moi." She ran back to the station where Laura was sleeping against a pillar. Brittany picked up a twig and poked her arm. Nothing.  
"Check this out," she whispered to Ed. "Oh what do you know!? It's the famous and talented Colonel Roy Mustang! I'm honored to meet you sir!" she shouted loudly. "You would like to get to know me better? Over dinner!? Why sir, I am absolutely-"

"What!? Where? Where Colonel... Dinner!? Huh?" Laura jumped up and knocked Ed over to see behind him. "Is he behind the shrimp?"

"You know, you really didn't need to knock him over," said Brittany.

Edward stood up. "Thank you."

"He's soooo short, I'm sure you could see right over him!"

"So what, Roy's not here!?"

"No. Not really."

"Brinney, Brinney, Brinney..." Laura scolded.

Ed snickered. "Brinney?" 

"Shut up shrimp," Brittany muttered.

Ignoring the two's bickering, Laura continued. "Have you ever heard the story of the 'Shorty who cried Mustang'?"

"No actually, I haven't."

"Well it goes a little something like this. Once upon a time there was a short little girl named Brittany, who liked to wake up her famous and wonderful friend Laura by shouting 'Roy Mustang'. But Roy was never there, and Laura got angry. She got so annoyed with the little shorty, that she smothered her with a pillow in her sleep. The end. Can anyone tell me the moral of this story?"

Ed raised his hand. "That you're crazy?" 

Laura moved her index finger across her throat as though she were chopping her head off and looked menacingly at Ed. He backed away from her.

"Oh I know!" Brittany exclaimed, bouncing up and down. "I should get a different hotel room than you!" Laura glared at her. "No?"

"No."

"Okay. Then is it that, no wait. Um... Oh! Got it. The moral of the story is that you should stop falling asleep wherever the hell we go, so that I don't have to wake you up!"

"Don't make me get my gun, Shorty."

"Eh heh, heh..."

"Um, where's Al?" Edward asked Laura.

"You just realized they were gone?"

"They?" Edward looked left and right. "Oh. Laurel's gone too."

"Yeah. Al went and brought her to the uh, library or something."

"Why?"

"So she can read books? Duh. Jesus Ed, I thought you were smart enough to know that's what libraries are for," scoffed Laura.

"Does Jesus exist yet?"

"Brittany, you idiot. We're in the 1910's. Not the Stone Age."

"I know what year it is Stupid. But in case you've forgotten, I despise history. Like, how the hell am I supposed to remember when the telephone or the airplane was invented? The only year in history that I remember is Canada Day. History and social are boring."

"You just didn't pay attention in Social class because you hated the teacher."

"Well that too! But she made a boring subject even boringer!!"

"That's not a real word!"

"Is so!!"

"Is not!"

"Shut up!" Ed shouted. "Now, didn't you want to meet the Colonel?"

Laura began jumping up and down. "Ooh yes yes yes!! When can I meet him?"

"Right now," Edward answered, pointing behind Laura. She turned around, and what do you know, there's Roy.

"Fullmetal, I heard you were visiting. I was told to pick you up from the station."

"We don't need your charity."

Ignoring Ed, Roy continued. "I see you've brought along some guests. What do we have here... A young lady in a mini-skirt and a little shorty."

"Take that back you old fart," Brittany snapped.

"Is that any way to speak to your superiors? Jeez Fullmetal, she's just like you. Well, except for her use of the word 'fart'."

Brittany nodded. "Damn straight."

"What the hell is she talking about?" Roy asked.

"Um, excuse my 'guest'. She's just, uh, new around here. And so is the other one. The 'young lady in the mini-skirt'."

"I see. And where are the young lady and the little shorty from?"

Brittany took a step closer to the colonel. "You know, I'm the same age as the 'young lady'. Technically I'm older than her. So shut your trap or call me by my real name!"

"Which is?"

"Brittany. And the 'young lady' is Laura." Laura curtsied and smiled.

"Fine. Bit you still haven't answered my question. Where are you two from?"

"Canada," they answered in unison. Roy just blinked. 'Oh yeah,' Brittany thought. 'Canada hasn't been invented yet... Isn't Canada Day in like, 1917 or something?'

"I'm not entirely sure where that is, but moving along. Why, Fullmetal, are you here and why have you brought these 'Canadians' along?"

"I don't know. Laura just wanted to come here for some reason. I brought her so she'll give me the information she has on the you-know-what."

"What information on that could this girl possibly have?"

"She seems to know a lot about us. Even about things that haven't happened yet."

Laura spoke up again, "Seems to know? I do know! I know all about you people. And your fates. I could tell you, but that wouldn't be any fun."

"How do we know you're not lying?" Roy asked.

"Do you really want me to say something? Because I could. It would not be pretty, but I could mention something that's already happened."

"Try us," dared Ed.

"You," she began, pointing to Ed, "have the date you burned down your house and left, carved into your pocket watch. And you Colonel, keep trying to steal Hawkeye's dog with food. You also constantly put off your paperwork until the last possible minute, then complain that you hadn't been given enough time. You reeeally want to become Fuhrer, and I'll tell you now that you'll accomplish that goal. Just stop slacking and work a bit more."

"How did you know what's in my watch!? I haven't even shown it to Al! You're crazy, you hear!??? Insane!"

"I'll become Fuhrer, eh? Probably not by standing around chatting with a couple of kids though. If you don't want me to bring you back to HQ, I'll just go myself. I have 'paperwork' to do anyway."

"No!!! Take me with you! Pleeeeease!?" Laura followed Roy as he walked back to the car parked by the station. Havoc was at the wheel smoking, as usual.

"Why do you want to come to HQ?"

"I... I, uh... I'll sing!"

"Sing?"

"I'll sing for the troops!! I'll be a military entertainer! You can interview me, or something, and hire me... But I'll do it for free!! Please, please, pleeeeease let me come!!!"

"Fine. Just get in the back of the car."

"Yes sir!" 

---

About an hour later...

Laura sat across from Roy, fidgeting and twiddling her thumbs. She was humming the tune to 'Razzle Dazzle'.

"So why in hell did you suddenly decide, 'I think I'll convince Fullmetal to bring me to Central so I can meet the Colonel and then become a military entertainer,'?" Roy asked.

'Oh jeez, he's looking right at me. What the hell am I supposed to say? Think Laura, think...' "You have pretty eyes!" 'Shit.'

"Uh..."

"I mean... because I like to sing?"

"But there are plenty of places in this country to sing. Why'd you choose to sing for the military?"

"Cause I, um... like the military. And I... admire what they do, and stuff."

"Those are two of the worst reasons I've ever heard, but I'll give you the job anyway. If you like, you and your friends can stay in the barracks. Your first show will be tonight. Don't disappoint me. Got it?"

Laura saluted the Colonel. "Yes Sir!"


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER:

Roy: Well, miss Military Dog asked me to do the disclaimer so let me tell you, there is no way on earth I would let someone like her own me. Fullmetal, I don't care about, nor his younger brother but she doesn't own them either, or any one else for that matter.

Hooray for another chapter written by yours truly, Military Dog  
--------  
"LAUREL!!!" the light brown haired, and newly employed, girl called to her friend. She knew she would be in the library.

"Shhh!" was the reply.

'Oh, right!' Laura thought as she searched high and low for her Laurel.

"Help!" A pile of books called…wait, a pile of books? Laura lifted one off the pile and she could see an ice blue eye peeking out at her. It was definitely Laurel's.

"Laurel…" Laura continued taking books off, "You're such a klutz."

Laurel smiled sheepishly as Laura extended her hand.

"Well, I got the job."  
"You did? That's great! We won't have to steal our food."

Several eyes and ears wandered over to their conversation. Laura quickly covered up, "Not that we would've been doing that in the first place. Wait a minute…where's Al?"

"Umm…la la land?"

Laura smacked Laurel upside the head with a book that was titled 'Bedtime story classics'. "You idiot! We can't loose Al, he knows his way around. I mean, Ed does too but he and Brittany are probably at some bar…"

Meanwhile…

"C'mon, Ed! Just one drink, it won't hurt…look!" She quickly downed a half pint of beer, "I can do it!"

Ed frowned at the beer Brittany had ordered for him. It wasn't a very high class bar as his mug had a red lipstick print on the rim.

'He's probably worrying about his limit or something. Someone of his size…his limit would be around one beer. DRINK IT ED, THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE FOR A WHILE!' Brittany looked calm though she was being tormented inside. "Look, Ed. I got you a beer. Where I come from, you wouldn't be able to drink this for another three years. So drink the damn beer."

Brittany sounded extremely serious so he found a side that wasn't too soiled and took a sip. It was the only thing he had had to drink for a couple of hours so he actually found it good. He polished off the rest of the beer and held it out, "More, please."

Soon, Ed was on top of one of the tables, ranting about…well, everything. Currently, he was imitating the colonel, "No philosopher stone again? Fullmetal, you're wasting all of the military's money! Huh? Ed, where are you! Ah! There you are! Couldn't see you behind that stack of unfinished paper work."

Brittany laughed, "Oh, Ed, you are so sexy when you do that." She pretty much figured he was to drunk to comprehend what she was saying. Then the door flung open, "Edward Elric, it isn't very nice to make fun of your commanding officers like that," It was Laura, Laurel and Al.

"Brother! We've been looking for you everywhere-" Laura put a hand up as to stop him from running.

Laura shot Al a creepy glare, "You don't want Brittany to have a grudge against you, right?"

"Huh?" Al didn't understand, but he sure didn't want Brittany after him, especially since he knew that he couldn't out run her.

Just then, Brittany took her chance. She pulled Ed down from the table and kissed him full on the lips. Once again, Ed was too drunk to know what she was doing so he kissed her back.

Laura was hysterical, "Awww…just like a crappy romance novel."

The two 'love birds' broke off. Brittany was somewhat annoyed, "We are not!"

Laurel nodded her head, "No, no. I'm quite sure you two are…what with all my reading."

The clock struck 6 o'clock. "Gah!" Laura screeched, "I have a show in an hour!" She dashed out the door, "I need to go shopping!!!!!"

While running down the street she bumped into someone and fell down, "Ah! Sorry, sorry, I wasn't looking where I was…" Laura looked up, it was the Roy, "…going." She immediately hopped up and saluted, "My sincerest apologies, Colonel!"

"What are you doing, running around in the rain?"  
"Rain? It's raining out?" She hadn't really noticed.  
"Yes…it is. And you're soaking."

"Well I guess I am. We were running around looking for Ed and Brittany and then I looked at the time. I have a show in an hour so I thought that I might as well go shopping since I only brought one spare change of clothes. All of my dresses are in Siddhi."

Roy held his hand up as if to say, 'Please shut up, you aren't making any sense.'

"Sorry. Anyways, I had better get going."  
"You could use an umbrella."  
"Huh?"  
"An umbrella, it'll keep you dry."  
"Oh, I'd get one but I probably only have enough money for a dress."

Roy handed her his, "Here. Use mine, I was just heading to the bar anyways."

Laura smiled, "Thank you. Are you going to the bar down the street?"

"That grungy old place? Not a chance!"

'I suppose a guy like him wouldn't do that. His pay check is bound to be at least three times as large as mine will be.' Laura chuckled as the two parted.

Laura found her way into a dress shop where Laurel, Brittany, Ed and Al showed up soon. Ed was being supported by Al and Brittany. Laurel walked up to Laura who was searching through a rack. There were mainly blue dresses on this one, her favourite colour.

"Since it's your debut in Central, shouldn't you wear something sexy so more people come?" Laurel suggested.

Laura raised her eyebrow, "That doesn't sound like you. Did Brittany force you to drink some beer?"

Laurel hiccupped, "Nope."

Laura sighed and moved over to the rack with the tiny little black and red dresses. "How about this one…and this one…or this one. Oh, I'll just try all of them on!" She scurried off to the change room. 

After a few minutes, she decided on a long, black, strapless dress that had a slit on one side that went from the middle of her thigh down. The back was laced up with silk ribbons. Brittany and Laurel both gave their thumbs up. Laura changed back into her mini-skirt and payed for the dress. The clerk bagged it up.

Then, the five of them headed to the most popular military hang out spot where lots of men were already half drunk. She changed in a washroom and did her make up with Laurels make up bag.

When she came out, the girls looked concerned, "Roy's not here."

Laura let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, "That's good. It's my first night with this crowd so I'm a little nervous. I don't want to mess up in front of him. He said he was going to some bar. Well, regardless, I'm on!"

Grabbing the microphone, Laura took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me. And I still feel you touch in my dreams. Forgive me, my weakness, but I don't know why…without you it's hard to survive."

Laurel jumped slightly, "Brittany! You remember this song? It's from back home!"

"Yeah, it's really nostalgic."

Laura opened her eyes, "'Cause every time we kiss I get this feeling, and every time we touch I swear I can fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last, need you by my side."

One of the military men nudged another, "Hey, she's not bad for a rookie. I didn't even know we hired entertainers."

"'Cause every time we touch, I feel ecstatic, and every time we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you feel my heart beat slow, I can't let you go, want you in my life."

The four sat down. Al of course, didn't order anything, Laurel ordered a glass of milk and Brittany got coffees for both herself and Ed. When it came, Brittany handed Ed the coffee, "Drink it. You won't be so tipsy. My goodness, Ed, you're such a lightweight."

"W-wha'd you say 'bout mmmyy h-he-h…size?"

Brittany shook her head, "Just drink it."

By now, Laura was on her second song, "Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty-five thousand moments, oh dear. Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?"

Laurel's brow furrowed, "This is from that movie I didn't get to see."

"Movie?" Al asked.  
"Umm…just something where we come from. It's like thousands of photos placed one after another really quickly and sounds so it looks like its moving. Therefore, a movie."

"In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee? In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife? In five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes. How do you measure a year in the life?"

"Laurel, shut up. He doesn't need to know that!" Brittany shushed.  
"I just thought he might like to know. It might be confusing to him."  
"As if your Laurel-speak wasn't confusing enough."

"How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love…"


	7. Chapter 7

Laura was just about to start on her next song when Roy burst through the bar's door. He ran across the dimly lit room and hid behind 2nd Lt. Havoc, who was sitting with a cigarette in his mouth and a beer in his lap. Seconds later a woman in a blue housedress pushed her way through the crowd and over to him, a young boy following her. The boy, Laura thought, looked an awful lot like the Colonel. His hair was black, and tied back in a stubby ponytail, and he had the same dark eyes as Roy.

"ROY MUSTANG, YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!! Do you know how LONG it took me to track you down!? You lied to me Roy!! You told me your name was Gregory!!! GREGORY GOD DAMNIT!!! You know what!? I don't need this! You take your fucking son and I'll just leave! I'll never speak to you again Roy, you HEAR!?!?!?" With that, the women stormed out of the bar leaving the boy behind.

The crowd was murmuring amongst themselves. Laura could hear things like, "Gregory? Surely the Colonel could have thought of a better name than that," or, "He has a son? Who knew," or, "How old do you think that kid is?"

The boy was standing with a blank expression on his face, probably trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Roy stood up from his spot behind Havoc's chair and brushed the dust off of his pants. "So... What did she name you?"

"Um... Kyle. My name's Kyle."

"Greeeaat... Um, I have to go. Go and do, paperwork. And stuff. Just um,-" Roy glanced to the side, noticing Ed, Al, Laurel and Brittany sitting at the counter, "get a ride with Fullmetal over there. Okay kiddo? Meet me later. Eventually. Fullmetal, take this kid with you when you head back to HQ, got it?"

"Uh... What?"

"Nevermind."

With Roy gone, everyone's attention turned back to Laura, who was still standing speechless on the make-shift stage. "Okay... Hey kid, you must be confused. Come on up here." Laura beckoned to Kyle and waited as he slowly made his way to the stage. "Everyone, say hi to Kyle. Make him feel welcomed!"

A weak round of hi's and hey's came from the audience. Laura chuckled nervously. "Right. So uh, Kyle, what brings you here on this fine evening?"

"Do I have to say it out loud?" he whispered.

"I guess not... Just whisper it in my ear."

"And who exactly are you? Aren't you a little bit young to be doing peep shows?"

"Well what do you know, he speaks! And this is not a peep show. I'm a military entertainer. And what have you done with your life? Hmm?"

"Can I go now?"

"Oh? And where are you going to go? Your mother's just run off and your father has "paperwork" to do. What are you going to do?"

"Roy told me to meet him later. He said that short, drunk guy over there is supposed to take me."

Even in his intoxicated state, Edward knew an insult when he heard it. "Who, who... WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN A SPECK OF DUST ON AN ANT?!?"

"I never said that."

Laura pushed Kyle towards the edge of the stage. "You know what? Why don't you just go sit with my drunken buddies over there so I can get on with my show? I'm not getting paid to babysit you." 

"But you're the one who told me to come up here."

"Well that's because I was curious. And now I'm the one telling you to go away. So shoo shoo."

Kyle muttered something under his breath and slowly made his way to the counter. He sat on the other side of Brittany, who was sitting on the counter with her feet on the stool. Ed was perched on his stool in between Brittany and Laurel (who was spinning around on her stool) and Al was on the end.

"I'm not paying for him..." Brittany slurred.

"I don't want a drink. I want to go home."

"Hi!!" Laurel screeched.

Brittany picked up the martini glass on the counter and took a sip. "Oh lordy lord, who gave her alcohol!?"

"Whu... wha... what?"

"Al, if she passes out again, catch her."

"Can I go home yet?" Kyle whined.

"NO STUPID! You have no home. You've been dumped by mommy, and daddy don't want you so just chill out. And while you're at it how 'bouts you have a nice tall glass of shutthefuckup? But still, I'm not paying for that."

Kyle buried his head in his arms and sat there. Then he heard Laura's soft singing voice coming from the stage.

"Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight. Lead me, out on the moonlit floor. Lift open your hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance. The silver moon is sparkling, so kiss me."

He turned to look at her. A crack in the roof let the soft moon light cast over her, making her skin look paler than it already was. To Kyle she was an angel standing there and singing for the low life military members without wives or girlfriends.

"Kiss me, down by the broken tree house. Swing me, upon its hanging tire. Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat. We'll take the trail marked on your father's map, so kiss me." Laura finished gracefully and then said, "I hope you liked my performance tonight. I'll be here for a while so come and hear me sing every night, okay?"

Everyone that hadn't passed out gave a weak 'okay'. Laura jumped off the stage and walked over to her friends. The lady at the bar held out an envelope to Laura, "This is your first paycheck."

"Alright!" She exclaimed, thinking of all the clothes she could buy.

"And," The lady stuffed it down her shirt, "It should cover what your buddies ate. Have a nice night."

When she had left, Laura smacked all but Al across the tops of their heads, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS!!! NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO SLEEP!"

Brittany spoke up, "We c-could juuuuuuust sleep with Sexy here."

'Sexy' himself was passed out on the table. Laura refused, "You don't know him that well yet."

"Bhu…bhut he won't mind, will ya Ed?" He collapsed onto the floor.

Laurel giggled, "I think that's a no."  
"Um, excuse me?" Kyle tried to put in bit he was ignored.

"Well, it's still a problem, isn't it? We can't just sleep under the stars, it gets as cold as Canada in the spring."

"Hello?" Kyle tried again. Still no response. 'Why won't she listen to me? Am I that invisible?"

"I wanna sleep w-w-with Ed!!!!"

"YOU GUYS!" Kyle yelled.

Laura turned to him, "Right, it was Kyle, was it? Kyle, go fetch my clothes. They're in the girls' bathroom."

His face reddened, "Why do I have to do it?"

"Well," Laura pondered, "Since your father put Ed in charge of you, and he's passed out, and everyone else is either drunk or full of kittens, that makes me the best to be in charge. Therefore, I order you to go get my clothes."

Kyle blushed even more at Laura's authority. He quickly ran off thinking, 'Man, she's so hot! I can't believe my luck.' His conscience advised him not to pull the moves on her, for his own safety but he didn't listen. He was a man on a mission (hey, that rhymes).

When he got back he said this to Laura, "C'mon, let's ditch these drunken losers and go have some fun, sexy." He placed a firm hand on her rear.

"Oh, you are sure going to be sorry you said that, geek." What happens next, few people know. Many say they saw him walk out of the bar that night with a broken arm and a bloody nose.

--

Later...

After a failed attempt on Brittany's part to wake Edward up, both the unconscious Ed and Laurel were in Al's arms. Laura was trying her best to keep Brittany from hitting the ground, and Kyle was moping around behind them. A black kitten was following them but anyone sober enough to think just assumed that cats were naturally attracted to Al like paperclips to a magnet.

"I think I'll spend the night at Roy's house," Laura whispered to Brittany, who was barely conscious enough to hear her.

"Yeah sure... You go, go right, you... you do that," was her drunken response.

"Aren't you going to ask me how so I can explain my brilliant plan to you and then laugh evilly?"

"What? I thought it was... it's Saturday... I don't wanna learn. Oh crap...schoolwork..."

"Huh? What have you been smoking?" Laura asked glancing at Ed as though he might have a baggie of pot hanging out of his pocket.

"No... icky. Smoke is... drugs are bah, bad for yooooou..."

"Oh and alcohol isn't?"

"What? No... beer is good... Good beer. Do you, do you know how many times I, uh... kissed Shorty over there? Thanks to... thanks to beer?"

"He's never kissed you of his own free will?"

"Hell no..."

"And what does that say about your 'relationship'?"

"Ed's a dumbass... A very sexy dumbass..." Laura caught Brittany as she stumbled over an invisible rock. "Where are we even going?"

"I already told you where I'll be. In Roy's house. But I think you guys will be allowed to stay in the military head quarter dorm thingies. Ask Al."

"Hey, Al... Can we uh... uh..."

"What?" Al asked.

"Nevermind," Laura said. "She's too drunk to make sense. But she and Laurel will be able to stay in the dorms right?"

"Probably. It's not like they have anywhere else to go anyways."

--

Even Later...

There were only two small beds, a couch, and a coffee table in the bedroom of Ed's dorm. A small bathroom and kitchen were connected, not that Ed did much cooking. Al had tossed Laurel onto the couch, Ed onto one of the beds, and he was laying down on the other. Brittany had passed out as soon as they got to the room, and had been placed by Laura on the same bed as Edward.

"She'll practically piss herself when she wakes up. Too bad I won't be around to see it." With that, she took off on her mission to fulfill the dream of every Roy fangirl out there. "I'm gonna break into Roy's house and steal his boxers!"

On her way out of the dorms, Laura saw that same black cat. "Hey kitty cat. Why don't you go home to your boyfriend or something?"


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: DISCLAIMER! I don't own any one from FMA, so get over it.

I hope you like chapter eight. I keep producing these things like crazy, eh?

oOoOoOoOo

"Well," Laura smiled at the kitten, "I have to go raid Roy Mustang's house and get his boxers. Ta-ta." And she ran off.

Meanwhile, everyone back at the dorms had crashed, except of course, Al. He watched silently over the others. This was the first time in a while that his brother had gone to bed this early. Usually, the two stayed up late studying alchemy or just having a good laugh. Today, he was left on his own, with no one to talk to but his conscience.

And while thinking, he realized how cute Laurel looked while she slept. He blushed in the darkness, where no one could see him…or so he thought.

Laura silently ran down the streets, searching for Roy's house. No body was out. All of the drunks had either conked out at the bars or at home. It was too late for 'normal' people to be up. 'Damn,' Laura thought as the cold quietly crept into Central. The skies were clouding over and it would rain again soon. "Dammit, I wish I had studied up on this more," She cursed as she shivered.

Obviously, there wasn't going to be a huge sign that said, "Roy Mustang's house" so she might as well go snoop around at head quarters. After arriving, the place was locked. She hadn't gotten a key or an office…or even a desk yet. Taking out a small pouch of sand and a piece of chalk, she transmuted it into a pin.

When she stuck it into the lock, it crumbled back into sand. Another cursing session began as she took a bobby pin from her hair and jiggled the lock with that. To her relief, the door cracked open. Quickly, she stepped inside before the watch light came to her.

Expertly, she navigated the hallways to find Roy's office. Luckily for her, it wasn't locked. After searching for a minute, she found his badge, "That doesn't seem like something Roy would do…"

"Your right," The voice said, "Thank you for finding it, Miss Laura," The girl in question turned around as her eyes widened.

Al was shifting uncomfortably in his spot. He couldn't stand being in his armour body right now. Just because he's a 'can-man' my dear readers does not mean he doesn't have that whole male hormone package. (If you haven't figured out that he likes Laurel by now, you just aren't paying attention.) He got up as silently as he could and moved over to the bed where Laurel slept peacefully. "L-Laurel?"

"Mmmm…Gerard," Laurel mumbled the MCR leader's name. Al felt a pang of jealousy. Oh, who knows why she was dreaming about him, even we're not really sure, but Alphonse wanted to know who this guy was.

'Make sure you don't wake them up,' Laura had warned Al before leaving to raid the colonel's house. He tried his best to ignore it and jostled Laurel a bit, "Miss Laurel, Miss Laurel."

Her eyes didn't open but she replied, "Al? I thought I told you to call me just Laurel."

"Oh right," Al blushed at hearing her voice, "Sorry, Laurel."

Laurel rolled to face him. She was _very_ close to his face, "It's alright. You just forgot, right?"

On the other side of the room Brittany was mumbling something, "Pipsqueak."

Ed responded, "Shorty."

"Tiny."

"Maggot."

"Sexy."

"Hawt-ness."

Ed still had his 'drunken' accent. Hopefully they would remember none of this in the morning. If they did, they would probably eat each other up with insults.

Elsewhere, Laura had run into a bit of a problem. She had come face to face with Roy while searching his office. Now, she was being interrogated.

"Would you like some coffee?"

Laura despised coffee, "Yes, thank you." She took a sip of the vile substance and tried not to spit it out. It took quite a bit of her strength.

"So, please tell me what you are doing in my office this late hour."

She took another sip so she could make up a really good lie. Eventually, she came to one, "Well, I really wanted to ask you something. I thought you would be at your house, but since I didn't know the address, I couldn't get there. So I came here to see if anyone could tell me. Since it was after hours, no body was here. Then I thought I'd look in your office." Laura prayed out to any gods out there that he would believe her complicated lie.

"And what did you want to ask me?"

"Uhh..." 'Oh shit. I wasn't counting on him asking that...' "I uh... wanted to know if you're doing anything tomorrow night?"

Luckily Roy believed her ridiculous lie. "Hmm. I don't know kid. Shouldn't you be hanging around someone who's more your age? Why don't you try Fullmetal? Or is he too short for you?"

"Uh, no. I don't think he'd be interested in _me_. And I'm practically half a foot taller than him," Laura answered, trying not to sound too relieved that Roy believed her.

"Alright then. What about that crazy little son of mine? What was his name...? Cory, Clyde-"

"Kyle sir."

"Oh right. Try him. If he's anything like his old man then he'll be all over a pretty little thing like yourself."

Laura blushed. "Oh, thank you sir."

"Roy, please."

She blushed even deeper, "Yes, Roy." Laura slowly got up and left headquarters to roam the streets aimlessly because of her rejection. This didn't mean she'd stop trying, but she felt a little let down by her own techniques.

A can lay down in the gutter. Laura kicked it up and then dribbled it like a soccer ball. Her soccer skills were lacking, but she could bet they were better than most around here. Eventually, she lost interest for it and headed back towards the dorms.

When she got there, Al was the only one up, "Hey," Laura said as quietly as she could.

Al almost stood up but Laura stopped him, "You'll wake the others."

He blushed, as he looked at Laurel sleeping peacefully again, "Oh, right."

Laura raised her eyebrows but said nothing about it, "I'm going to make some tea…do you guys even have tea here?" She ran off to the small kitchen. Just as she suspected, there was nothing to be found.

She decided that sleep would be best for now. She could get all weepy on her friends tomorrow. Laura closed her eyes.

The next thing she could remember was some one screaming, "WHAT THE HELL?!?!"

'Brittany's up,' She thought.

"Brinney, don't scream so loud. It hurts my ears. And some one close the windows." Laurel still had strong traces of a hangover.

Laura slowly got up, "Shut your yap. I just got dumped while you two slept away peacefully."

Laurel ignored the hangover, "Raiding his house didn't go so well, did it?"

Sighing, she replied, "Not exactly. I'd tell you but…that'd be like saying, 'I give up on him,' Which I don't plan on doing." Laura cackled evilly. Kyle woke up on the floor.

"Would you mind keeping it down mother?" He was still half asleep. Kyle looked up…Laura's skirt.

She screamed and jumped onto the couch, sitting down, "I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER, PERVERT!"

Brittany and Laurel both rushed to her side, "Why the Hell is he in here?"

Kyle rubbed his ears, "I followed all of you guys here. It wasn't to hard since you were all drunk."

Laura then did what she knew best; thwacked him on his head.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Whew! Sorry it took so long to get this up. I had major writers block. One of my readers was constantly bugging me about of it. This chapter is dedicated to her. (You know who you are…luv ya!)

"Hey! It's not my fault I had to follow you guys here," Kyle muttered, rubbing his head.

"Oh? And who's fault might it be? The cat's?" Laura asked. Then she paused. "Wait, the cat?" She looked down and noticed that same black cat now sitting on the carpet. "Al? Explain yourself!"

"I'm sorry Laura, but it was so cold last night, and the poor thing was shivering. And it was following us just _begging_ to be brought home!"

"Let's name it Captain Spaz," Brittany said, scooping up the kitty and shaking it. 'Captain Spaz' meowed angrily and jumped down onto Ed's bed, making him wake up.

"What the... AL!? WHY IS THERE A CAT ON MY BED!??"

"I see you've met Captain Spaz," Brittany snickered.

"Sorry brother. I'll put him outside..." The cat jumped off of the bed and hid under it.

"Yeah you better... Ow my head..."

"Little hangover Edo?" Brittany taunted. "Ow my head..."

"Why don't you both shut the hell up," Laurel muttered.

One angry cat, five slaps on the head, sixteen threats involving a frying pan, and twenty-nine height-related insults later, all six teens were standing on the steps of the Central HQ building. Ed was trying to get Brittany to stop following him (to no avail), whereas Al had insisted that Laurel came with him so that she wouldn't get into trouble. And Kyle was shadowing Laura like a puppy dog.

"Go away," she snapped.

"Go where? Like your alcoholic buddy over there said yesterday, I've got nowhere to go," Kyle retorted. "Besides, what's so bad about me following you around?"

"It might give people the wrong idea. Especially since everyone else is part of some _love fest_ or something. And you're weird."

"But I—"

"Why don't you do us all a favor and SHUT THE HELL UP!" Laura roared at him and opened the door.

Brittany and Laurel sighed. They were used to this. Ed and Al were also more or less used to it…but they just though she was scary. You have to have pity on those boys. They were in for the ride of their lives.

Laura was in quite the rotten mood, until she spotted the Colonel. She half waved, half saluted him, "Good morning, si…I mean Roy."

The blonde haired lieutenant was following him, and had a look of pure jealousy of her face. Laura inwardly laughed, 'Hah! She only wishes she could call him by his first name!'

Roy changed directions and moved over to the six teens, "Good morning. I see you've brought my son back."

"Hey," She shrugged, "It wasn't my idea. He sure got in my bad books this morning."

Kyle would eventually learn to keep his trap shut around Laura, or so we should hope, "Look, I said I was sorry. It's wasn't even my idea! Not only that but-"

Laura put a hand in front of his face to shut him up, "I need breakfast. I haven't had anything to eat since we left Siddhi."

Roy directed the group to the cafeteria. Ed took the lead because he knew headquarters the best.

After they had finished eating, and Laura had stopped Ed from killing Laurel with her milk suggestions, they headed to Roy and his subordinates' office. Ed went in first, followed by Laura, Al, Brittany, Laurel and then Kyle.

Roy stood up, "Whoa! There isn't enough room for all of you in here!"

Laura nodded and pushed Kyle forwards, "I know. But at least talk to your son," She turned around and started to leave, "I want nothing to do with him. C'mon, girls, you owe me shopping money. You coming too, Al?"

Kyle reached a hand out to stop her from going, but to no avail.

Now, anyone in the room right now that hadn't been at that bar last night was surely shocked. Roy motioned for him to sit down.

"Now tell me Cory—"

"Kyle."

"Tell me, Kyle, what on earth did you do to make Laura so mad at you?"

He looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to say, "It…it wasn't my fault!"

The Colonel sighed. He wasn't great at this father-son stuff, "Look, son. Can I give you some advice, man to man?"

"How would you know what I'm going through?" He stood up and stormed out of the room.

Nobody else said a word, but what they must have been thinking was, "Good job, Colonel."

Elsewhere, the three girls and Al were shopping. Brittany was complaining. "Wa-Wa!? Why do I have to pay? It's not my clothing."

Laura calmly looked through a rack of mini skirts, "You're the one who used my first pay check for drinking beer with Ed and Lo-Lo. Not to mention, if you piss me off anymore…" She shot Brittany an eerie look and made a wringing motion with her hands, "I'll strangle you in your sleep."

Immediately, everyone backed off. "Ah! This one's cute!" She picked out a black, ruffled skirt, "I'll wear this tomorrow."

Laurel was whispering, "Best not get in her way while she's like this. She doesn't take lightly to getting dumped…"

Her sharp senses picked up the conversation, "What was that, Lo-Lo?" Laura whirled around.

"N-nothing, Ma'am."

Laura sighed, "Good to hear it. Now, let's go pay for this, shall we?"

The four then headed to a dress shop. "Oooh! I like this one!" She held up a short, silver dress that fanned a bit at the bottom. "I love the color."

Al looked from Laura, to Brittany, to Laurel and back to Laura again. It was evident he didn't care, but he pretended to look interested.

"Well, time to buy this!" Laura smiled.

Brittany fished the remaining bit of cash she had from her pocket. Laura assured her that if nobody drinks any beer then she could start paying for food. They then headed outside. It wasn't raining.

"Hey, I've got a great idea!" Laura burst out.

"Oh great…" Brittany mumbled.

Laura smacked Brittany upside the head, "At least listen to the idea first!"

Rubbing her head, she lent an ear as Laura began her rant, "You remember the street performers festival back home?" She didn't wait for anyone, "So I was thinking…just for a little extra cash…we do some street performing!"

Laurel stuck up a hand, "Wouldn't that be illegal?"

Shaking her head, Laura replied, and held up a long, pianists finger, "You're forgetting that we're like…a hundred years in the past."

Taking her bag of sand, she transmuted something similar to a megaphone. She began to announce, "Ladies and Germs! Gather 'round for a once in a life time spectacular!"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Some one else do it. I have to go watch more Bleach.

Laurel: Hey Brinney, whatever happened to your turtle?

Brittany: I don't know. I think the writer forgot about it. But I probably left him in Laurel's garden.

Ed: Is anyone going to do the disclaimer or are we just gonna sit here and yak about turtles?

Laura: For god's sake everybody! It's not that hard!! We don't own any FMA characters, except Kyle, and ourselves. So there.

-----

Brittany yanked Laura by her arm and whispered, "A once in a life time spectacular!? What are we, acrobats!?"

Laura shook Brittany's hands off of herself. "_You're_ pretty close to one."

"Oh! Can I be an acrobat!?" Laurel begged, bouncing up and down.

"No, because then everyone would have to sign waivers," Brittany muttered.

"How 'bout I just start with some singing?" Laura suggested. Then into the megaphone she yelled, "Who wants to hear a little music?" A weak round of 'yeahs' and 'whatevers' broke the silence in the meager crowd. "Fantastic!"

Laura started with 'Morning Grace', a song that no one had heard of, even in her world. She had to transmute a piano, which was a dazzling feat. Laura wasn't even sure how she could remember the complex circle used to make one. (Oddly enough, the book left behind by the traveling alchemist contained only instructions on making stage equipment and whatnot.)

She started playing and began to sing, "A voice calls out to me, 'Please open your eyes for me.' Wipe away those tears. A dazzling light springs forth, glistening in the new dew beneath the trees. Down by the waterside in a place where no one knows; dance with me the Pas de Deux of life…I am dreaming of it again. Bourne by a current so gentle yet so fierce, however this labyrinth may take, I shall go on with this sweet dream. I'll hold on tightly to this morning grace of my life."

Ed finally showed up from wherever he had been. "Edo!" Brittany squealed, running over and giving him a considerably large hug for someone of her size.

"Wha... What are you guys... do- doing?" he managed to choke out.

Laurel leaned down and whispered in Brittany's ear, "You might wanna let go now..."

"Oh. Right." She let Ed go and tried to sum up Laura's 'fantastic' idea. "Laura thought that we could sort of, perform for money. So she's gonna sing, and I think she expects me to do cartwheels, and I'm not entirely sure what Laurel could do without anyone getting injured..."

"Stop being so mean." Laurel pouted. "I can do _something_."

Brittany cocked her head, and acted like she was deep in thought. "Like what, figure skating? I don't see any ice around here do you Ed?"

Ed backed up, waving his gloved hands, "Oh no, leave me out of this."

"Well, I can do that thing where you hide a pea under a walnut shell, then get people to guess which shell it's under!"

"Ah but can you do it well?"

"Yeah."

"Alrighty then! Go find some peas and shells and earn us a few extra bucks!" Brittany said, relieved that she wouldn't have to put up with Laurel's complaining for a while.

Ed tapped on Brittany's shoulder and was just about to ask something when Laura called to them from her spot in front of the crowd. "Break it up you two! And Brinney, get your BUTT OVER HERE!"

Brittany reluctantly made her way over to Laura. "Everybody give it up for the lovely Brittany!"

"I don't wanna do this," she sulked.

"Well you have to now because I just made everybody clap for you."

"That's a stupid reason."

"That's showbiz! So just do what you do at school!"

"Schoolwork?"

"No no no. What you do in gym class. And we all know you barely do your schoolwork."

Brittany was just about to make another stupid comment when someone in the audience shouted, "Do something!"

"Alright! Alright! Jesus, ever heard of patience?" she screamed, picking up a rock and throwing it into the crowd (and missing her target by about a mile). Then she took off, cart-wheeling, front-flipping and back-flipping across the pavement.

Ed and Al made their way to the front of the crowd where Laura was standing with her hands on her hips. "She's not bad. I guess," Ed remarked.

"Oh, and I'm sure_ you_ could do so much better," Laura said curtly.

"I could, but I won't. Unlike you guys, I actually have money."

Several back-flips, and a few round-offs later, Brittany turned one last cartwheel and landed in a side-split. "Bet you can't do that," Laura smirked, jerking her thumb towards her friend.

Ed looked pained just looking at her. Brittany turned her head and grinned widely, almost as if she knew exactly what the two were talking about. "Well, n-not really..."

Laura crossed her arms proudly and said, "I rest my case."

Then the loud _slap slap slap_ of flip-flops against pavement came from Laura's right. "I'm back!!" Laurel screeched.

"Where were you? You just missed the hilarious face Ed made!"

"Well, it looked painful!" Ed huffed.

"Sorry I took so long. But I dropped my nuts and I had-"

"You _what_?" Laura demanded.

"No, I meant my walnuts! I'm going to do that thing where you hide a pea under one of three walnut shells and then people have to guess which one it's under! So now I just have to set up a little table."

"I can help you with that," Al offered. "We just need to find a few fallen tree branches or something for me to work with."

"Oh, thanks Al!" Laurel said cheerily. "Then I guess I'll see ya later Laura!" She waved and skipped away with Al following her.

"My lord, that girl's wired this morning," Laura mumbled. Back on the pavement in front of them Brittany had just finished another round of one-handed flips and was balancing on her hands, her long brown hair sweeping the cobblestones. "And so's that one."

"Toss me a ponytail Laura and I'll do another round!" she called, switching to one hand.

Laura rolled her silvery hazel eyes. "I thought you didn't even want to do the first one! You sure change you mind quickly!" Nevertheless she slid the elastic out of her hair. "Here, catch."

"Thank ya kindly!" she hollered. "Oh, and hold this!" Brittany unzipped her hoodie, uncovering the thin black tank top underneath, and tossed it at Laura. Then she took off again.

"Ugh, this could go on forever..." Laura glanced at Ed who looked more or less mesmerized. She slapped the back of his head and said, "Quit gawking," all while trying to hide the smile creeping across her lips. "Have some respect Mr. Fancy-pants Alchemist."

"Uh... What?"

"Oh jeez..." Laura mumbled, jokingly smacking her palm against her forehead. "You're such a _guy_."

_Slap slap slap._ "We're baaack!" Laurel sang. "Al and I found some wood so now he'll make a table out of it! Isn't that cool?"

"Not really Laurel. I've seen it done before," Laura replied, with barely any enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Oh. Well, I think it's cool!"

"Here's your table Laurel," Al declared.

"Great, now I can stop carrying these nuts."

Laura smiled and playfully slapped Laurel on the back. "Oh God... I just love the way you say that with such enthusiasm! Now go earn us some money."

"Alrighty." Laurel snatched the megaphone from Laura only to have it crumble into a sandy pile in her hand. "Oh lovely. Now I have to shout. What's with you and sand anyways?"

"Sorry. Now hurry up with your little rigged game." Laura waved her friend away and went back to her piano for another song.

Laurel climbed on top of the sturdy table Al had transmuted for her and cupped her hands over her mouth. "Hey everybody!!! While my buddy over there sings another song that nobody's ever heard of, I've got a little act of my own!" She held up a tiny green pea proudly and said, "In my hand I hold a simple pea, and nothing more. I shall hide this pea under a shell, and you can all try to guess which shell it's under!" she exclaimed. Then a bit more quietly she added, "For a price..."

An hour later not a single person had chosen the right shell with the pea under it and the bills were piling up in Laurel's lap. "Ooh, so sorry... But you're welcome to try again!"

"No thanks ma'am. I'm all outta bills."

"That's fine. Bye." A small meow came from under the table. Laurel ducked under it and scooped up the black cat from earlier. "Hey, it's you again!" The kitten meowed angrily and struggled to get back onto the ground. "Fussy little one aren't cha? Alright, I'll let you go."

Laurel sat upright again and looked around. The crowd (which had been pretty pathetic to start with) now consisted of 5 or 6 people. Laura was pretty much sung-out (who knew _that_ was possible), and Brittany was exhausted and leaning against the wall of a nearby building. Ed was lying lazily on his jacket and Al was sitting beside him. The sun was starting to set over the rooftops, casting a dazzling array of pinks and oranges over the cobblestones.

Laurel sighed and wandered over to Al. She sat down in his lap and smiled, oblivious to his blushing. "It's so nice and quiet here. It doesn't get like this back home..." It was a fairly warm evening with only a few pink clouds dotting the pale blue sky, like cotton candy. It was noticeably quiet out, and there were barely any cars on the roads.

Then a shrill scream came from behind the two. Brittany, who moments before had been leaning against an old, crumbling brick building, was gone. Ed got to his feet and looked up. A strangely familiar figure on the roof was holding Brittany's hands behind her and muffling her screams with his hand.

"Where the hell did you come from!?" Laura shouted.

"I'm the little kitty cat whose been following you around," the figure sneered.

"Not you again," Ed muttered. "Let her go Envy!"

"And why should I listen to you, Pipsqueak? You're going to have to come get her," came the wicked reply. "Later runt!" Envy slug Brittany over his shoulders and leapt onto the next building.

Brittany waved her arms frantically, screaming, "EDWARD!!! HELP!!!"

"Oh shut up you little pipsqueak," Envy scowled.

"Put me DOWN you MOTHER FUCKING PALM-TREE-HAIRED SON OF A BITCH _HERMAPHRODITE_!!!! That's right! You're a flaming HE-SHE!!!"

"Such terrible manners for someone so small." To stop her shouting he smashed her head against a pipe protruding from the rooftop, knocking her out.

Back on the streets Laurel was trying to figure out what the hell just happened while Laura was screaming orders at everyone. "Laurel, Al, you stay here! For the love of God Laurel, don't try to follow us!! Ed and I'll go after Envy!!!"

"Go after her... But that's exactly what they want us to do," Ed whined.

"Come ON!" she yelled yanking his arm towards a rusty ladder screwed into the side of the building.

"Wait!!" Laurel shouted. "Why do we have to stay!?"

Laura was halfway up the ladder by now, "Because if they kidnap us too we need someone to come get us! So just stay here!"

Laurel was about to start climbing the ladder behind them but a firm hand on her shoulder held her back. "You should listen to her. As much as I'd like to go with them we can't have four people trying to sneak up on a bunch of homunculi; it wouldn't work."

"Why are you taking their side? I could be just as helpful as Laura!" she pouted.

"I just... wouldn't want to see you get hurt," Al said softly.

Laurel blushed and said, "That's so sweet of you!" She smiled and considered hugging him, but figured her arms wouldn't fit. Laurel settled on grabbing his arm and pulling him down the street. "How about while those two are off saving the little damsel in distress we go see a movie or something?"

Al nodded and followed her. "Sure. I'd like that."

Right... While those two are off in la-la land, we'll go find our knight in shining automail and his lovely sidekick.

"Where'd he go?" Laura asked, leaping onto yet another rooftop. "These buildings are getting farther apart!"

"I think he jumped into the alley." Ed stopped running and slid over to the building's edge. With a clap of his hands a ladder jutted out of the brick wall. "Come on." He leapt down the ladder and took off as soon as his feet hit the ground.

Laura followed and ran after him, jumping over fallen trash cans and broken crates. An alley cat startled by the chase dashed under a cardboard box for cover.

Several minutes later, Laura and Ed, who were both exhausted, had arrived at a clearing within the blocks of tightly packed buildings. A horrible sewage-like smell told Laura they weren't in a particularly _nice_ part of Central, and the sun was dropping farther behind the crumbling rooftops, giving the whole neighborhood a dingy and unwelcoming aura.

A large, silhouetted building loomed over them, its doors hanging loosely and its windows smashed. There didn't appear to be any light coming from inside, but there was just enough noise to tell that they weren't alone.

"We can't just go barging in," Ed whispered to Laura. "There might be more than just Envy in there and even I can't take on more than one homunculus at a time."

Laura nodded. "We'll have to find a way to distract them and trap them somehow. But first we should go in." She tip-toed around the side of the building and found a window more or less big enough to fit through and relatively low to the ground. She climbed in, careful of the shards of glass sticking out of the corners. "Come on Ed."

Once they were both inside the warehouse, they followed the voices to a large room where they hid behind a large stack of crates. Ed pointed to a number of shadowed figures who were talking amongst themselves. Another figure lay on the floor. "There she is," he mouthed.

Then Laura's face lit up. "I think I know how we can distract them."

-----

Brittany woke up, sprawled on the floor with her head pounding. 'Where am I?" she wondered, looking around at her surroundings. Large dusty crates were stacked everywhere, and the annoying squeal of mice came from the far corner.

"Well looky here, our little hostage is awake," came an irritatingly calm and strangely familiar voice from the other side of what Brittany guessed to be a warehouse. She heard three sets of footsteps headed towards her spot on the filthy floor.

She opened her eyes, struggling to make out her surroundings in the dark. 'I need to get out of here,' she thought, trying to get to her own feet. She had just about stood up when one of the blurry figures, who she recognized to be Envy, kicked her ankle almost hard enough to snap it and sending a jolt of searing pain up Brittany's leg. She fell to the floor in a crumpled heap and stifled a scream.

"Try running away like that," Envy sneered.

"C-couldn't you have just tied me up?"

"Sorry," came the calm voice, "We ran out of rope." Brittany looked up at the long-haired figure whose thumb was pointed towards something in the far corner. A girl, who was bound and gagged with a grimy rag.

"Laura?" Brittany whispered. There was no reply. She squinted and tried to get a better look at the shadowed form, but found it hard in such a dimly lit room. The figure however, didn't move; it didn't even appear to be breathing. 'That's not Laura... But, she and Ed must be here... What are those two up to?'

"Yes. We caught her earlier. Seems like the brat was trying to save you. A pity the Fullmetal boy didn't bother with you, but what can we do right?" Brittany looked up again and realized that the calm person speaking to her was a homunculi named Lust. Beside her was her stumpy sidekick Gluttony. "If you'd like though, we would gladly tie you up."

"Can I eat her?" Gluttony asked, drooling dangerously close to Brittany's shoulder.

"Now why would you go and do a thing like that? Do you honestly expect that she'll fill you up?" Lust asked.

"You know, we have enough rope to at least tie her hands," Envy put in. He bent down and roughly bound Brittany's wrists behind her. "Do you know how long we've been waiting for the runt to find himself a girl? Because as much as I hate to admit it it's much easier to catch a shrimp like you than a shrimp like him." He stood up and brushed off his hands as if tying up a hostage was strenuous work.

Far too preoccupied to pay attention, Brittany was trying to figure out what the hell Laura and Ed were up to. 'Obviously they're trying to distract them. I guess the least I can do is help.' "Uh, right. Silly, helpless me."

Then, in a blinding flash of light, the floor beneath the homunculi collapsed, sending them tumbling into a deep pit. The attack caught them by surprise, which gave Ed enough time to jump out from behind a stack of crates and seal the floor up again. "Edward!" Brittany cried.

"Get up! We have to go _now_." As if to emphasize the urgency of their current situation, a dagger-like fingernail shot up through the floorboards. "Envy could turn into a giraffe and then we'd be goners. Not to mention I found the boiler and fixed it so that it would blow up..." He bent down and sliced the rope on her wrists with the sword jutting out of his automail.

"I can't! Envy kicked my ankle and I don't think I can walk on it let alone run..." she whined, feeling utterly helpless.

Ed bent down and scooped her up, carrying her in his arms bridal style. She covered her head with her arms just as a glass-shattering boom came from the other end of the building. They were out of the warehouse a moment before the doorway came crumbling down. The spot in the floorboards where the homunculi had been was buried in debris.

Laura was waiting around the corner of the deteriorating building when the two made it out. "What happened Brinney? How badly did they hurt you?" she asked as they ran back through the alleys.

"I tried getting up and running away but Envy kicked my ankle so hard he might've broken it," Brittany answered, her words shaken from the bouncing movement of riding in Ed's arms.

"What!? He broke your ankle!?"

"How about a little less talking and a little more running!?" Ed shouted. "Trust me, you don't want them to catch up with us."

"I'm not the one running," Brittany hollered at him, forgetting that he could hear her perfectly fine had she used her indoor voice. "Sorry. But still, you're running. I'm not."

"And whose fault is that?"

Ignoring Ed's question she asked Laura, "How much farther?"

"Just a few more blocks..."

When the three finally made their way onto the streets the sun had disappeared completely leaving the sky a sort of purplish colour. The city was consumed in shadows, with only a few street lamps here and there. And on top of that, Laurel and Al were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh well, wasn't that nice of them to leave at a time like this?" Laura mumbled.

"We should get back to the dorm. Or a hospital. Anywhere that isn't here," Ed suggested.

"What!?" Brittany demanded, almost falling out of Ed's arms. "Please please _please_ don't take me to a hospital!! I hate them! They smell like disinfectant and old, dying people! Those places are horrible! Absolutely horrid!"

"Quit being so dramatic Brinney."

"Shut it Laura or I'll start acting like a nosocomephobic!!"

Ed began walking in the general direction of downtown Central. "A what?"

"I swear, if either of you take me to one of those hell-holes I'll shake and faint and hold my breath till my face turns blue!!"

"Brittany you're NOT a nosocomephobic!!!" Laura yelled.

"But I can act like one if I want to!"

"Shut up both of you! We have to go find Al and Laurel. Now where do you think they might've gone?"

"A dinner date!" Brittany shouted, almost instantly forgetting the argument from earlier.

"Al can't eat, dipwad. If they went anywhere for a date, Laurel would've brought him to the movies," Laura said.

"Then I guess we're headed to the theatre."

Ten minutes later the three weary teens arrived in front of the only movie theatre in Central. As if on cue, Laurel and Al came out, laughing and smiling. Then they noticed Ed with Brittany in his arms, and Laura.

"Oh it's you guys! Is Brinney alright?"

"Envy busted my ankle," she said sourly. "But I think it's just a greenstick fracture."

"How would you know?" Laura asked.

"Hello, my mom worked at a hospital. It'll probably heal in 3 weeks. Maybe less because I drink my _milk_," she answered, looking up at Ed.

Ed ignore her and pulled everyone off to the left of the theatre and out of the throng of people coming and going. "Just so you two know, we're kind of in _serious danger_ around here. If we go back to live in the dorms the homunculi might find us. And after what Laura and I did to them earlier, they won't be very happy. Now I don't know what they're trying to pull, but I do know one thing. We really need to leave."

"Are we going back to Siddhi?" Laurel asked.

"No," Ed answered quietly, as if the homunculi might be listening. "I think we should go to Resembool."


	11. Chapter 11

Hello there, my fellow readers! I bet you weren't expecting me to update another chapter. Well, ha. This chapter has been in the works for two years. Yeah. How's that for procrastination? Anyways, I was inspired by the new Full Metal Alchemist series called Brotherhood (based on the manga, for those of you un-savvy people). It's fairly good, though I don't particularly like the shade of Ed's hair.

Regardless, I don't own the manga or either of the anime series, so don't go all fangirl-who-pretends-to-know-everything on me. I own Laura, Laurel, Brittany and Kyle, but that's all.

-------------------

"RESEMBOOL?!?!" Brittany screeched, "Oh, hell no. We're not going there."

Laura sighed, "Do you really think you're in a position to argue?" She meaningfully glanced at Brittany's battle wound.

Seeing she wasn't going to get any sympathy from Laura, she turned her attention to Laurel, "I don't want to go! Don't make me explain why all over again!"

"I agree with Laura. Can't you just pretend you want to be there?"

Brittany pouted, "No."

Ed was confused, "Why don't you like Resembool?"

Al nodded, "Yeah, it's a really nice place."

"Well, for starters…" Brittany started.

But Laura stopped her, "DON'T start. Please, Brittany."

So, Brittany went into a pout, Laurel tried to console her, Al tried to help Laurel console Brittany, Laura wondered about the whereabouts of Kyle so he could pick up their stuff and Ed shifted uncomfortably under Brittany's small weight.

"Man, I wish spy equipment existed. I don't care if Kyle gets killed trying to collect our stuff. In fact, I would actually like for him to die," nobody listened to Laura. Not that she noticed. As far as she was concerned, it was all about her. Not about Brittany, who was the real problem at the moment.

"C'mon, Laurel. You know why I don't want to go." She was also getting uncomfortable in Ed's arms, "You know how hard it would be to stay there. Honestly, I'd rather go back to Enrique's."

Laurel shook her head, "It's a long trip. Besides, we'd have to work overtime in your place. And Ed and Al would have to work and keep watch." It may please the reader to know that Laurel isn't a dip-wad all the time, Brittany isn't always a foul-mouthed-Ed-fan-girl all the time and Laura isn't only concerned with herself. Just to make that clear.

"I really think you need to rest…" Ed offered.

"Shut up, Ed," Brittany was certainly in a foul mood, especially since it was four against one. "Nobody asked you."

"I just thought…" He tried again, but to no avail.

Laura was still ranting to herself, "Well, I suppose this is a downside to living here. I should have considered that. But of course, how was I supposed to know we would run into Roy's perverted son? How was I supposed to know we were going to run into trouble at all?"

Brittany paused for a bit, "…Put me down, Ed."

"You're in no condition to walk, you know."

She bit her lip, "I didn't say I was going to walk. Hey, Wa-wa?"

'Wa-wa' was still ranting, so Brittany repeated herself louder. Laura still didn't hear it, so she had to be smacked and brought back to earth.

She sighed, "What is it?"

Brittany attempted to cross her arms, "I need a piggy-back."

Laura raised one of her eyebrows, "Are you sure about that?"

"YES I'M SURE!" She screamed, "Do you see this face? What about it doesn't look ABSOLUTELY sure with my decision?"

"Okay, okay. You don't have to yell." Laura bent down to let Brittany get on. She needed some help, but eventually, she was on and held securely.

Brittany pointed in the general direction of the train station, "Go then, I guess."

"What am I, your dog?" Laura reluctantly started walking.

"Just walk. I need to talk with you." She motioned for Laurel to distract Ed and Al.

After they were out of earshot, Brittany started whining, "I don't want to go! I can't compete with her. She's tall, blonde, has big boobs…"

Laura sighed, "So do I, but you don't see me commanding Ed's attention."

"But you do! You yell at him all the time."

"Brittany, that's not the same and you know it. He came to save you, didn't he?" Laura would have been waving her arms in frustration if they had not been keeping Brittany from falling on the cold cobblestones.

"No. You came to save me. Ed came because you made him."

"Are you sorry that we saved you from the homunculi? Because I can just as easily give you back to that cross-dressing palm tree."

"Not particularly." Neither of them had noticed that they had arrived at the station. They continued bickering for a while, until Ed, Al and Laurel had caught up. Oddly enough, they had Kyle with them.

"What are you doing here?" Laura spat.

"Nothing," He mumbled in return.

Al explained that the colonel had caught up with them and asked if they would take care of him for a while. Laurel and Brittany, of course, agreed. They didn't mind Kyle, even though Laura did, who ground her teeth as she spoke, "I don't think you should come."

Brittany spoke up, "But Envy saw him with us. She…he might come after him."

Of course, this was logical. Laura often found it difficult to argue with logic. "Damn it all," She muttered under her breath, "Fine, you can come. But I don't want to see you in our way, got it?"

Kyle nodded, and Ed headed off to buy tickets for the next train. Laurel suddenly realized that they didn't have their extra clothes; they were in the boy's room. Laura stopped pouting for a bit to ponder what the girls would look like in Ed-and-Al type clothing. She almost laughed aloud and felt equally as nauseous when she pictured Laurel in a loincloth.

Soon enough, they were all on a train to Resembool. Al sat next to Laurel, Ed next to Brittany and Kyle; Laura chose to stand.

She stood in a corner, quietly strumming a guitar, the very last thing she knew how to transmute. It was acoustic; electric guitars didn't exist yet. Eventually, her strumming got louder and turned into power chords. A familiar tune for the girls was played, a popular one back home. How could Laura possibly pass up the chance to sing?

"I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top. She's got a body like an hour glass, it's ticking like a clock. It's a matter of time before we all run out; when I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth."

Laurel thoughtfully tapped her foot along to the chords that were erupting into a much more complicated melody. Obviously, this was an attempt to make Brittany feel better about her predicament. She didn't feel much better.

"I waited eight long months, she finally set him free. I told him 'I can't lie, he was the only for me.' Two weeks we caught on fire! She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile."

"I remember this one. It feels nice to hear some good music," Laurel smiled, and Laura slammed on the chords up to the chorus, praying she didn't break one of the all too fragile strings.

"Whoa! I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now. Whoa! It was never my intention to brag; to steal it all away from you now. But god, does it feel so good, 'cause I got him where I want him now. And if you could then you knew you would. 'Cause god it just feels so...it's just feel so good."

Even though Ed didn't really know the purpose of the song, Brittany couldn't stop blushing. It wasn't because she thought Ed would eventually figure out that this song was for her and to make her feel better about competing against a certain someone, it was because she was thoroughly embarrassed about how her friends thought she needed encouragement for the days ahead. Before they got on the train, she had convinced herself that, if need be, she would blast her with one of the many weapons she had.

"Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change. What's a who---"

Brittany decided to knock her out before she had a chance to continue. The song would only proceed to get worse. The six of them, with the exception of Al, slept quietly on the way to Resembool, without Laura to interrupt them.

In the morning, Laurel was awoken to Al shaking her shoulder slightly, "Mi---Laurel, please wake up. I can't get the others to."

"Mmmmmm?" This was the usual sound of Laurel getting up. "Is it morning already?"

Al just nodded and Laurel proceeded to wake the others. Although they did prove difficult, eventually she got them up and at 'em.

"Oh my god," She whispered in Brittany's ear, "It's Ed in just his boxers."

Brittney's eyes shot open, "Where?"

Laurel erupted in a fit of quiet giggles, "One down," She smiled.

To get Ed awake, it was a dual effort of Laurel and Al. Ed kept his silver pocket watch clutched in his hand while he slept, so that if someone tried to steal it, he would wake up and catch the perpetrator. Al pried at Ed's fingers while Laurel grabbed at the watch. Everything worked according to plan and Ed woke up.

Kyle was easy; a good, solid poking was enough.

However, Laura refused to awaken. "Oh hello, Colonel. How unusual to see you on a train to Resembool," Brittany stated with false admiration, "Yes, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you too—"

"Nice try, Brinney," Laura interrupted her, "But it's not going to work this time." She proceeded to sleep.

"But we're in Resembool already, Laura. C'mon, you have to help me stop Brinney from doing anything too rash!" Laurel said, impatiently. The three girls hadn't actually been to Resembool yet, but they'd seen it plenty, "Plus, I want to see some grass and trees. I'm sick of sand and pavement."

Laura sighed loudly and cracked one eye open, "And why can't you just wait five more minutes?"

"Can you help us out?" Laurel asked Al, who knowingly picked Laura up and slung her over his shoulder like a bag of flour. Everyone else swiftly left the train car.

"HEY! PUT ME DOWN!" Laura demanded, prepared to use force if necessary, "I did NOT ask for you to carry me!!!"

"Brother!" Al complained, "She's loud! Can I put her down?"

"I don't care—"Ed started

But Brittany interrupted, "Do NOT put her down, Al. You'll regret it."

Even then, Al's grip on Laura was starting to lessen. Her legs got free and she used Al like a springboard to get loose. Just as quickly, Laura spun around and planted a powerhouse kick on Al's metal armour, which sent him clattering onto the platform. Then Laura whipped out her silver handgun and fired a couple of warning shots beside poor Al's head.

"Whoops, sorry Al. Knee-jerk reaction. Not many people can hold me captive," This was true. Most normal people would be terrified by this action. Al just got up and brushed himself off, "You've gotta teach me that, Miss Laura."

"Sure," She smiled.

Kyle was now thoroughly impressed, "You'll teach me that too?"

"Pfft," Laura snorted, "As if. You don't have the balls. Er, well, technically neither does Al..."

"So then you can teach me," his face lit up with anticipation. Little did he know that he'd be going to bed black and blue for days to come, especially since he had insisted on Laura's lessons.

And thus, the group of six headed off towards Ed and Al's hometown.

-----

"Ed! Al!" The blonde automail engineer yelled and waved enthusiastically from the balcony on the second floor. Brittany pretended to be tossing her cookies on the side of the road until she was given a swift swat to the head.

Al waved back, "Hey Winry!" Laurel waved with him, oblivious to Brittany's gag-fest.

Inside, Ed was given the once-over by Winry to make sure he hadn't broken anything important. Granny Pinako was making tea for the guests of the suddenly crowded house.

"Well, you can't all stay here," commented Granny Pinako, "So some of you will have to go elsewhere. Except for Ed and Al. You two are always welcome here. And one of you can stay with Winry in her room," she looked right at Brittany, "How about you? You're short and compact. Can probably sleep anywhere."

"The hell I wi—"

"I'll do it," Laurel piped up, cutting off her friend. Then she whispered to Laura and Brittany, "It's okay. I don't mind her much anyways. And you two can keep track of each other's temper, so Brinney doesn't lose it and so Laura doesn't kill Kyle."

Laura pulled the girls closer, "Yeah, that's all fine and dandy, but when are we gonna leave? It isn't that a retreat in the country isn't nice once in a while, but we all know we belong in some bustling city. And if I have to spend too much time with that disgusting excuse for Roy's son..."

Brittany nodded, "I don't think I can spend any time at the Rockbell's place. It's horrid being in the same town with her, and being in the same room is worse than hell."

"So, we have to do something about the reason we can't get back to Central. Those homunculi are up to something, and we have to stop it," concluded Laura, turning back to face the rest of the room, "Brittany, Kyle and I will go look for somewhere to stay in town. We might not be back until tomorrow, so don't wait up."

"We're counting on you, Laurel," Brittany saluted as Laura dragged Kyle out the door by his ears.


End file.
